The Chain
by Isabella1020
Summary: Love is hard sometimes; but you can't choose who you fall in love with. A collection of drabbles, mini-oneshots and songfics involving Jim and Pam at different times of their relationship during The Office's Season Three.
1. The List

**Title:** The List.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'Casino Night' (Season Two's last episode) and 'Gay Witch Hunt' (Season Three's first episode.)

**Song: **'Real Love', by Regina Spektor. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are great.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Pam's POV.

* * *

_All my little plans and schemes,  
lost like some forgotten dream.  
Seems like all I really was doing…  
was waiting for you._

Pam Beesly was usually an organized, responsible and mature person. A person who planned her life and then followed that plan, and that way nothing unexpected ever happened. Pam Beesly was a person who had a simple, predictable life, even if just a bit monotonous.

Until the day she met Jim Halpert.

Now she couldn't believe what she had done. She couldn't believe what had become of her life. The feelings of guilt and sadness overwhelmed her, and the memories of the events that had taken place months ago kept torturing her all the time. She wouldn't show how shattered she was inside; but she certainly was.

She couldn't forget _him_ (after all, she was in love with him and there was no use in denying it) and she couldn't forget what she had done, because her mind, always so used to file and organize, had created a mental list of all her mistakes, a list that had become the first of her thoughts when she woke up and the last before she fell asleep.

It was the same routine every day. Waking up, thinking about him and the list (_Mistake Number One: falling in love with my best friend without noticing it_); having breakfast while thinking about himand the list (_Mistake Number Two: not realizing that he was in love with me as well_); going to work, sitting on her desk all day, pretending interest on Michael's daily crazy idea, thinking about him and the list (_Mistake Number Tree: breaking Jim's heart by being engaged to another man_); finishing with work, driving home, thinking about him and the list (_Mistake Number Four: loving Jim more than my fiancé_); having dinner alone, pretending to watch television while actually thinking about him and the list (_Mistake Number Five: kissing Jim at Casino Night and then rejecting him_);putting on her pajamas and going to sleep, still thinking about himand the list (_Mistake Number Six: breaking my engagement to Roy and his heart at the same time_); spending hours laying awake thinking about him and the list (_Mistake Number Seven: letting Jim go without doing anything to stop him._) And the next day would be exactly the same.

The only thing that kept her breathing, living and functioning as an almost normal person despite the heavy burden of her mistakes was the tiny hope that maybe someday she would see himagain and be able to apologize for what she had done, and hopefully he would forgive her. The possibility of having him back, even just as a friend, was her biggest dream. And so every day, every time she remembered the list, she thought about that possibility, and she found it a bit easier to breath, live and function as an almost normal person.

Yes, Pam Beesly was usually an organized, responsible and mature person. A person who planned her life and then followed that plan, and that way nothing unexpected ever happened. Pam Beesly was a person who had a simple, predictable life, even if just a bit monotonous. And she usually didn't make big mistakes.

Until the day she met Jim Halpert.

But she loved him, and deep down inside, nothing else mattered to her.


	2. The Plan

**Title:** The Plan.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'Casino Night' (Season Two's last episode) and 'Gay Witch Hunt' (Season Three's first episode.)

**Song: -**

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are great.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Jim's POV. (Sorry for writing such a short chapter; I'll try to make the next ones longer.)

* * *

I keep picturing _her_, all the time. I can't help it. She is all I can think about.

Getting over someone had never been this hard for me. Because that's what I'm trying to do, right? I came here to get away from her. I came here to forget her.

It's a shame my plan isn't working. The plan involved just a few, simple steps. First of all, getting away from her; as far as possible. Secondly, losing all contact with her or anyone that could connect me to her. Lastly, focusing on my work in order to avoid thinking about her.

It was a very simple plan, really. So here I am, in Stamford, following it. I am away from her. Miles away, actually. I've lost all contact with Scranton and I haven't seen her or heard of her in months. I've focused on my work, devoting all my time and effort to it.

Have I forgotten her? No, sir, and I'm afraid I'm not sure if I ever will.

Deep down inside, I know what the problem is: I don't wanna forget her. No, I don't ever wanna forget her because she changed my life.

I had never been that happy with anyone the way I was from the moment I met Pam Beesly on. Then she broke my heart, of course, but I still didn't regret meeting her and falling in love with her. You can't regret meeting the love of your life, I guess, even if that person does not love you back.

I don't wanna forget her. I don't wanna get over her. I want her back, but I guess that's impossible.


	3. Two Words

**Title:** Two Words.

**Continuity:** 'The Convention'. (Season Three's 2nd episode.)

**Song: **'Other side of the world', by KT Tunstall. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Pam's POV. A little bit longer than previous, yet not so long as I would have wanted it to be. (The first two lines belong to the conversation that Pam has with Michael on the phone.)

* * *

"_Hi, Pam."_

"_Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. Very good, talk to you later. Bye."_

Today, I was able to hear _his_ voice for a moment. I can't believe it.

For a brief moment-just a second-my heart stopped and I was breathless.

For a brief moment, Michael's phone patched me through to the man I love. Even if he wasn't alone, even if he wasn't able to tell me more than two words, even if those two words were insignificant and totally normal, I still felt like I had been given a surprise present.

For a brief moment, while I heard his voice, I could see him clearly in my mind and I couldn't help but smiling at the memories. I could see his green eyes, his features, his messy brown hair and his smile, and all the little gestures and details that made him who he is, and it made me feel better realizing that I remembered him precisely. I hadn't forgotten him at all, and I was pretty sure I could never do that.

For this brief moment, I imagined that he missed me as much as I missed him. I imagined that he loved me as much as I loved him.

_And can you still love me,_

_when you can't see me anymore…?_

Of course, that illusion only lasted a few seconds, since I immediately remembered that he wasn't here and that if he loved me, he would have never left.

_Please, Pam!_ A little voice in my head whispered. _Did you expect him to stay here and watch you marry someone else? What would have you done in his situation? _

My conscience was right. Maybe he did love me, but it was too painful to see me with Roy and that was why he ran away.

Because he didn't just leave- he ran away.

_But… what now?_ I wondered. _Does he still love me? Could he?_

With my happiness and my future depending on it, I really, really hoped he could.

_For God's sake!_ I thought while I slowly, very slowly hang up the phone and sighed_. _A simple phone call shouldn't affect me this much.

But it does. I can't help it.

For a brief moment, I wished he was happy wherever life had led him, because he deserved the best.

But then I was overwhelmed by the desire that he needed me to be happy.

Love is selfish. So, so selfish.


	4. Distractions

**Title:** Distractions.

**Continuity:** 'Grief Counseling'. (Season Three's 4th episode.)

**Song: **'Stop and Stare', by One Republic.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are great.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Jim's POV. (I seriously don't like this one; I'm having a hard time writing about the episodes on the early Season Three. I hope it gets easier with the following ones.)

* * *

_Stop and stare.  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere._

Today I've spent the whole day looking for those Herr's chips for Karen.

It's not like I was especially interested on the chips, but frankly, these days I look forward to anything that can occupy both my time and mind at the same time. Anything that allows me to stop thinking about _her_ for a second is highly appreciated. I need distractions, and this was a funny way to get distracted.

Not that I don't like Karen. Actually, I do. She's pretty, funny, friendly and nice…. and that's exactly the problem. Guess who she reminds me of… Yeah, exactly. I can't go over what happened with Pam for a second time. If something like that happened to me again, I couldn't handle it.

At first I wasn't sure what to do about this girl. I'm just in a complicated position, you know? I like Karen, and I have the possibility of starting something with her, but there's always that _what if_ question in my mind. _What if it goes wrong? What if I get my heart broken again? What if…?_

But then somehow I decided to give her a chance. I forced myself to stop worrying about what could happen. That possibility didn't matter anymore. I refused to live another day this way-completely lonely, thinking about _her_ all day. No, I'm done with that. I have to move on. That's why I came here, to move forward. To start over.

_It's not gonna work,_ a voice in my head whispered. _You won't forget her._

I tried to ignore those thoughts and devoted all my time to help Karen. The day went incredibly fast, while we ignored the files that piled up in our desks, we had fun calling to every store in the city and even to a supermarket in Montreal and pissing Andy off. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me, not with flashbacks of _her_ popping up in my mind all the time, but it was still pretty funny.

At the end of the day, I was able to find the chips for her. How did I do that? I called the manufacture, which referred me to the distributor, who referred me to the vending machines company, who told me they sold them in the machines in the building next door. Seconds later, a bag of Herr's chips laid on Karen's desk.

I didn't turn around when I heard her sitting at her desk and grabbing the chips.

"Where did you find them?"She asked, and I could tell she was smiling, even if I wasn't looking at her.

"Where did I find what?"I pretended not to know what she was talking about, and I thought I heard her stifling laughter.

In that moment, I would have bet that she liked me and that she was interested in me. In normal circumstances, I would have felt flattered and happy, but in that moment, I couldn't help but fervently wishing to be wrong.


	5. The Call

**Title:** The Call.

**Continuity:** 'Initiation'. (Season Three's 5th episode.)

**Song: **'Lullaby', by Regina Spektor. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. Based on one of my favorite scenes from this Season. This is the first chapter that I actually like, haha.

* * *

_I know that you cannot be here,_

_I know that you are not mine now._

_(Looking at the window, at another window…)_

_I see toenails changing colors like the leaves of fall._

I was about to leave when the phone rang. Sighing tiredly, I picked it up. "Dunder Mifflin."

"Oh… Hey."

When I heard his voice, I was so surprised that I almost drop the phone. _Oh my God!_ I couldn't help but exclaiming.

I couldn't believe that his voice had such a powerful effect on me. Of course, it wasn't just his voice; it was _him,_ talking to me after months of being apart; it was also the fact of imagining him on the other side of the phone. It was talking to him and realizing that no matter what happened, our bond remained intact, maybe not as strong as it was before, but it was still there. We were basically the same people that we used to be.

He only had to say a few words and make a joke and I would burst into laugh and all my problems and worries would disappear in a second.

He only had to be himself, and he made my day. But he was cold or distant to me, I fell apart.

He had complete control over me. I would never understand how he did that.

For a little while, everything seemed to be okay. We were talking, laughing, just like we did before; we were acting like best friends are supposed to act and we were having fun, until he suddenly decided that he had to go, or maybe he thought that I had to leave. I don't know exactly what happened, but the next thing I knew was that we were saying goodbye and then we hang up.

I deep breathed and silently thanked God that I had sat on my chair minutes before, or else now I would have collapsed onto the floor, since my legs were shaking and my heartbeat had become slightly erratic. I scolded myself for the way I had acted. Why couldn't I just tell him how I felt and what I thought once I had the opportunity? Why did I have to be so ridiculously passive? Did I think he wouldn't survive being away from me? Was I expecting that he came back for me?

_God, Beesly, you're so cheesy if that's what you thought! _A voice in my mind whispered, and it was a voice that sounded a lot like Jim's.

_No, of course I didn't expect that,_ I thought bitterly ad I held back the tears. I knew from the moment he left that he wouldn't come back; not in a long time, at least. I had earned it by hurting him. It was my fault that he had left, and now I'd have to live with it.

If truth is to be told, now I'm worse than I was before. If that's possible. Because the problem with me is that I'm divided in two different women. On one hand, I have my "I'm in love" self; that woman is completely and madly in love with Jim Halpert, which was exactly why I was immensely happy of hearing his voice and talking to him again. On the other hand, there's my "rational" self… and let's just say that woman isn't really happy. Why? Because the rational part of me is in charge of forcing me to get out of bed every morning, go to work every day even if he's not here, stifle the tears, avoid the bitter gazes towards his old desk during the day and every time I come home alone. Now this call made me miss him even more; and forcing me to act normally it's going to be a lot harder for the rational part of me.

Before today, I moved inside some sort of blur, and that way it was easier to breathe and not to collapse; it was easier for me to live if I did everything automatically and acted as if nothing ever had happened, as if I had never met (and loved) Jim Halpert. That way, it was easier not to feel the pain of his absence and I had almost started to forget him.

Now, from this very moment on, I'm going to think about him every moment of my day. I'm going to be 24 over 7 hanging on the phone in case he calls again. I'm going to miss him more than ever and every minute without him is going to be horribly painful.

But 'In love' Pam doesn't really care about that at all. And so even though I feel like I should regret picking up that phone, I certainly don't.


	6. Distance

**Title:** Distance.

**Continuity:** 'Initiation'. (Season Three's 5th episode.)

**Song: -**.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are great.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. The dialogues are the original ones from the scene. I love the way that Jim and Pam's bond remains intact no matter what, and I think that's one of the reasons why their love story is so lovely; because they're friends first, and they will always be. This is one of my favorite moments of that love story, and here's my take on the way Jim handles the situation.

* * *

_Human race always has always needed to delimitate its life, to name, to account and to define things. In a certain moment of their evolution, humans started measuring space dimensions as well as time's. That way, the concept of distance was created. Distance was defined as the space or the interval between two things or events. Either it was used in the context of Geometry or in any other science; the concept of distance was always based in a separation.  
_

_There's point 'A' and there's point 'B', and distance is what's called what's between them. And it's well-known that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The problem is that us humans have lots of trouble making that line straight. That's how, without noticing, we start going off course and the distance becomes larger, step by step._

"What time is it there?" Her question caught me totally off guard. Was she kidding me?

"What time is it _here_?"I repeated, furrowing my brow. "Uh… We're in the same time zone."I explained, as I didn't hear her answering. I couldn't help by chuckling, somehow nervously.

"Oh, yeah, right." She answered, mirroring my reaction and chuckling as well.

"How far away did you think we were?"I asked, surprised. Why would she ask something like that?

"I don't know."Her answer came in a low, quiet, serious voice."It felt far."I couldn't help but picturing her shyly looking down in embarrassment, a typical gesture of hers every time she felt ashamed or apologized to someone.

Feeling that her statement said a lot more than it seemed and not wanting to find out, I changed the subject, trying to lighten up the moods and redirect the conversation to a more comfortable territory for both of us. Yet her words were fire burned to my mind so enduringly, that even after I hang up I was still thinking about them.

_I don't know. It felt far. _

It was a vague, childish, even fussy answer, totally uncharacteristic of someone like her. At first glance, it didn't seem to say anything more than the obvious. But I knew Pam Beesly very well. I knew how hard it was for her to speak from her heart and say what was on her mind due to her shyness. And I figured the heartfelt message underneath the (apparently) vague, childish, fussy words.

_She misses me,_ I suddenly realized. Shocked, I rubbed my temples and covered my face with my hands for a moment.

_She misses me._ It was amazing and totally unexpected, but it seemed the only possible explanation to what had just happened.

_And I miss her too_. The truth emerged like a submarine surfacing from the depth of the ocean. I missed her more than I had ever missed anyone. How could I be mad at her when my heart ached with every second I spent away from her? How could I forget her when she was all I could think about? How could I pretend to be okay when I couldn't have the one thing I wanted?

This was what I wanted. This was what I needed. I would have loved that conversation to last forever, so I could remain lost in the sound of her laughter, smiling involuntarily as I heard her voice. Unfortunately, I heard her saying goodbye to someone and the rational part of me quickly decided to use the opportunity to finish the conversation, since otherwise I would spend the whole night talking to a woman I was supposed to have forgotten. Before I knew what I was doing, we both had hung up.

For a moment I was completely puzzled. _What did I just do?_

My mind quickly provided me with an answer. _Easy._ _You shouldn't talk to her. You have to get over her. You hang up. Simple logic._

I sighed tiredly as I got up from my chair, took my coat and slowly made my way towards the exit of the office. _ Well thanks a lot, _I thought sarcastically. _The only good thing that has happened to me in months and you blow it. _

_Hey, don't blame me. You shouldn't have made that call in the first place. _The rational part of my mind answered.

I shook my head in an attempt to brush those thoughts out of my head. As I got into my car and started it, Pam's words replayed again in my memory. _I don't know. It felt far._

_She is so right, _I decided. It was true. As long as she and I were apart, the distance between us seemed infinite, endless, as if we were in the opposite corners of the Universe. If we were apart, even by the tiniest distance, we felt far away from each other. And that hurt.

_I never knew distance could make someone's life so hard._


	7. In love with no one

**Title:** In love with no one.

**Continuity:** 'Diwali'. (Season Three's 6th episode.)

**Song: **'Need you now', by Lady Antebellum. (Fragments.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. This one it's kind of sad, but I think it's an interesting episode, and I had fun writing it.

* * *

_Picture perfect memories,  
scattered all around the floor._

_Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.  
For me it happens all the time._

I nervously checked on my phone for the hundredth time that day. Nothing. No calls, no messages. Nothing at all.

I sighed tiredly, sadly, but I tried joining the party and talking to my coworkers as well as to Kelly's parents and friends. After all, if I was at a party, I was supposed to have fun, wasn't I? That was the whole idea of being there in the first place. But I was on my own and I felt empty and alone, and nothing that party had to offer or anything neither Dwight nor Michael were doing in order to entertain the crowd would cheer me up or interest me.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.  
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.  
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now._

After chatting briefly about something that I can't even remember with one of Kelly's relatives, I walked away from the dance floor and into one of the hallways, while I took my cell phone out of my pocket and checked it out once again. Nothing. Frustrated, I started writing another message, and I didn't notice that Angela was watching me closely as I did so. Her question surprised me.

"Who were you texting?"She asked, looking interested.

It wasn't usual for Angela to be interested in the life of her coworkers, but she was clearly even more bored than I was, so I imagined she was just trying to make conversation. However, I instinctively hid the phone and pretended to be calm.

"No one."I innocently answered. I didn't turn around to see the look on her face (probably a skeptical one) and check if she had believed me (since I was sure she hadn't.) I avoided her gaze and walked away from her to resume writing the message. After I sent it, I entered the bathroom and leaned my head forward on the cold surface of the tiles, trying to silence the voice in my mind that kept making fun of me.

_No one. Brilliant answer, Pam. Really. _

_ No one. Sure, if that's what you call the love of your life. _

_ No one. Well, you've spent all day waiting for 'no one' to call you, so I guess you're crazy._

_ No one. Why don't you call him by his name? It's because you're afraid that if he doesn't call you it'll be too hard to bear, isn't it? If 'no one' doesn't call you, it's easily for you to forget it, isn't it? Am I right? Of course I am._

_ Oh, shut up!_ I would have wanted to shout it, but I was afraid someone would hear me, so I simply whispered it. _Shut up for a while._ I went back to the dance floor, where I had to stand Michael ridiculously proposing to his girlfriend and obviously getting rejected and dumped by her for putting her through something like that on their second date. After that, he quickly ran outside to hide from everyone, and I had reached that point where I didn't care about anything anymore, so I followed him. On the way out, I couldn't help but checking on my phone again. Still nothing.

Michael turned around to face me when he heard me, and his gaze dropped to the phone, that I held tightly in my hands.

"Are you waiting for a call?"He asked, looking up from his spot on the step where he sat.

I mentally scolded myself for being so transparent that even someone totally inattentive that couldn't care less for anyone else but him like Michael could read me like an open book.

"Uh… No."I stuttered as I sat next to him. Luckily, he quickly started talking about how we were both victims of broken engagements or something and he seemed to forget about the phone. I wasn't really listening, but I pretended to while I was lost in my own thoughts, until I accidentally told him something that expressed my own feelings about that night.

"I kind of thought something would happen tonight too."I said, trying to make him feel better. He wasn't the only one disappointed in how the events had turned out. And I wasn't lying about that. The little outburst in the bathroom had proved that. I looked down to the cell phone once again, even when I knew that nothing had changed in the last minutes, and I couldn't help but feeling miserable.

I hated to be devoting every minute to that phone, waiting for him to call. I hated being such a fool I couldn't realize that he wouldn't be calling nor answering my messages. I hated not being able to leave him alone and move on. I hated to be so in love with him. So, so, madly in love with him that it hurt. I hated myself for shutting him down in the first place.

What I hated the most, though, was the fact that I couldn't hate him. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, even when I knew that forgetting him would be a lot easier if I did so. But I couldn't, my heart wouldn't let me feel for him anything but undying love.

A love that, apparently (considering that he hadn't answered to my messages nor contacted me), wasn't to be returned. The voice in my mind started torturing me once again.

_He's not in love with you. If he were, he would have called you. _

_He's not in love with you. He moved on. _

_But you're stuck. Forever._

_I'm stuck. _I mouthed, admitting that it was true. And I knew it was my entire fault.


	8. Last Night

**Title:** Last Night.

**Continuity:** 'Diwali'. (Season Three's 6th episode.)

**Song: **'Yesterday', by The Beatles. (Fragments.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** A/U. Jim's POV. Some of the things that we never know in the show are what happens between Jim and Karen after she gives him a ride home, and what did the message that Pam sent Jim say. In this chapter, I tried to explain both 'mysteries'.

* * *

_Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be.  
There's a shadow hanging over me._

The alarm clock went off and I suddenly woke up. Grumbling, I managed to reach a hand and hit it until it stopped sounding. Making a great effort, I opened my eyes and sat on my bed. I had an awful, pounding headache, and I felt terribly nauseous. I rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off the heaviness in my eyelids, and that was when I realized that I was still wearing the clothes I had worn the previous day. I smelled alcohol and sweat and I looked around in confusion. For a second, I stared blankly at the floor while I tried to remember why I was in that state and what had happened last night.

_What's going on? What happened? What-_

And then, all of a sudden, everything came rushing back and the memories and flashbacks filled my head like snapshots. And I remembered everything.

I remembered drinking that liquor with Andy, glass after glass.

I remembered watching (and listening to) Andy sing, totally drunk, from his spot on the floor where he laid. I saw myself in the same state, making the choirs to his song, while Karen tried to hush us down.

I remembered laying my head (which had started to ache) down on my desk and feeling something vibrating next to my ear, but not paying attention to it.

I remembered walking hesitantly towards the exit and falling down to the ground while attempting to ride my bike to go home.

I remembered Karen helping me up and offering me a ride home, since I was too drunk to get back on my own. I remembered saying yes and getting into her vehicle without giving it a second thought, while she put my bike on the back of the van.

I remembered getting out of the car when we got to my house, taking my bike and thanking Karen for the kindness of her gesture. I remembered us looking at each other in silence for a couple of seconds, until I leaned in and kissed her, not knowing exactly why.

I remembered waving at her and whispering a shy _Good night_ while I stumbled along the way into my house and closed the door behind me.

I remembered feeling something vibrating once again, this time, inside my pocket, realizing that it was my cell phone and grabbing it. That was when I focused my exhausted eyes on the screen. There was a notice on it.

_You received one new message_, the notice said. I looked through the Inbox for the text message until I found it. Then I opened it, and it took a few seconds for my alcohol-dazed mind to read the words and understand their meaning.

_Hey, how's everything? Just thought I'd call to say hello, but I thought you might be busy, so I'm texting. (It's okay if you're busy.) You have no idea what Michael has put all through today. You wouldn't believe it if you didn't know him. Anyway, I don't wanna bore you. I hope you're okay. Guess I'll call some other time. Good luck. _

_Pam. _

I remembered that when my brain finally put all the information together and understood what was in front of my eyes, I was so surprised that I dropped the phone, which hit the carpet with a deaf noise. I quickly knelt down to pick it up and I looked for the time of reception of the message. _7:50 PM_. I looked the time in my wristwatch. _1:30 AM._

_Damn, damn, damn, _I mumbled angrily as I got up.

I remembered putting the phone on the nearest table and then walking into my bed room and collapsing onto the bed, where I instantly fell asleep.

_Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play._

Now, I sat on my bed, fully awake and completely overwhelmed by my actions and how the events had taken place the night before. _Oh, no,_ I whispered in horror when all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place_. What have I done?_

I covered my face with my hands as feelings of guilt and shock washed over me. I felt nauseous no more, but the headache was still torturing me, making it hard for me to think straight, and my thoughts came and went , chaotically repeating without coherence or logic.

_Karen… Pam… I kissed Karen… Pam wanted to talk to me… Karen… Pam… _

The worst part was feeling that I had got myself into trouble and messed things up, and not knowing what was going to happen next. I had allowed things to get out of control. In just one night, everything had become much more complicated than it was before. It was my entire fault. And I had no idea of how I was going to fix it.


	9. Contradictory

**Title:** Contradictions.

**Continuity:** 'Branch Closing'. (Season Three's 7th episode.)

**Song: **-.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated. (And critics are accepted, as well.)

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. It's always kind of complicated to figure out the real feelings of the characters beneath the appearances, but it wasn't that hard with this episode. Or maybe it's just that Jim and Pam are pretty transparent about their feelings so it's easier for us, the fans, to understand what they're thinking and feeling, no matter what they say. It is, however, a bit harder to put those feelings into words and narrate them in a story. This is my attempt.

* * *

It had been an ordinary, normal day until that moment. But of course, normality is not usual in this place. Something had to happen to break that (apparent) calm.

Michael walked out of his office, seeming clearly disturbed and scared. He asked for our attention and started talking.

"Listen up everybody, I have some news. We are _screwed_. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down."

I stared blankly at my desk in amazement for a couple of seconds, while the meaning of his words penetrated my dazed mind. I was so stunned and shocked that I missed what he said next. I shook my head, trying to concentrate and I heard Angela's voice making the question that was in all of our minds.

"What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs?"

"I don't know. Probably not."He answered, visibly affected.

Then he walked into his office again, followed by Dwight, and slammed the door shut. After gazing briefly at my coworkers, who were as shocked as me, I leaned back on my chair and deep breathed, trying to analyze the facts in order to make things clearer.

_The branch is closing. _

_Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch is closing. _

_That is where I work. Therefore, I'm fired. We're all fired. _

_Wait a second._ My mind looked desperately for a solution, something that could give me even the tiniest spark of hope. _They can't fire everybody. They can't take the jobs away from of all of these people. _

_Yes, they can. Of course they can. _I mentally answered myself. _Maybe they'll keep some spots in Stamford and some of us will be sent there. Those people-the luckiest of us- won't lose their jobs. _

_But I won't be among those lucky people. Not a chance._

_God!_ _I don't have a job anymore. _As the realization hit me, a lot of contradictory feelings started struggling inside of me.

On one hand, I had always wanted to take art classes and this seemed the perfect opportunity to start. Besides, if I didn't have to work at Dunder Mifflin anymore, there was a chance that maybe I would be able to forget _him_, move on and start over.

On the other hand, this job was all I had left. I didn't have a career that I could take up again in some other place; I was just a receptionist.

But there was something else; a feeling that prevailed over the others, caused by a fact that stood out, as if it was a giant neon-sign: if I lost my job, I also lost the one thing that connected me to the man I loved.

That was the plane and simple truth: Dunder Mifflin was the bond that linked me to him, and without that, without the connection that gave me hopes of seeing him again someday, I had nothing left.

If I couldn't get up every morning thinking that maybe, just maybe that day he would for some reason walk through these doors, then I had no reason to get up in the mornings.

If I couldn't stare at his desk every once in a while during the day and remember him every time I did so, then I had nothing to do with my days.

If I couldn't be there hoping that the phone would ring and I could hear his voice again, then I had nothing to hope for.

If I didn't have to wipe my tears away and force myself to look calm and normal in front of everybody while inside I was torn apart, my will was useless.

And if I wasn't there to see him come back home and welcome him when that happened, there was no use on being alive and I would be reassured about the fact that dreams and hopes only exist to make you miserable when they fail at becoming concrete results.

I looked around the confines of the office and observed every single one of my partners, wondering which ones would have one more chance and which wouldn't; wondering what would become of their lives when they had to leave the company; wondering if I'd ever see them again when that happened.

I couldn't help but silently praying for a miracle. I needed to stay there; at all costs.

Otherwise, my life would become a living hell. And I wasn't willing to let that happen.


	10. Cosmic Joke

**Title:** Cosmic Joke.

**Continuity:** 'Branch Closing'. (Season Three's 7th episode.)

**Song: **'Ironic', by Alanis Morissette. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. During this whole episode, it seems to me that Jim goes through different states of mind and different feelings. I always thought that at first, he doesn't know how to feel about the fact that Scranton branch is being shut down-after all, that's the place where his best friend works, no matter how hard he tries to avoid thinking about her- but then, when he finds out that Stamford branch is actually the one being shut down, he has contradictory feelings: he doesn't want to go back there, and at the same time, he wants to-he has to. I tried my best to capture those contradictory feelings in this chapter.

* * *

_Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you,  
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right.  
_

Sometimes I think the Universe hates me.

Or maybe God's mad at me.

Perhaps it's just karma.

Something's got to be wrong for this to happen to me.

It's not like I was the luckiest guy out there- I've always been average when it came to luck-, but I least things were normal. I used to _like_ my life. Now, instead, it seems that something or someone is decided to ruin my life, making me trip every step of the way.

You don't believe me, of course. You think I'm overreacting.

Fine. Let's look at the facts.

At first, I fell in love with my sweet, funny, beautiful- and engaged- best friend, Pam. Madly, desperately in love, like I had never loved anybody before. But I kept it to myself, because it was the right thing to do, and I acted like best friends are supposed to act.

I _tried_ to be happy for her, I _tried_ not to blow her engagement up by telling her how I felt - how every single time that man kissed her, every single word she said to him and not to me, every single smile she smiled for him shattered my heart even more and made me a bit crazier. I kept everything to myself. That was my duty, as her best friend and I did it, at first.

(Even when I couldn't stand seeing them together and every time I did felt almost nauseous. Even when the guy was a jerk who didn't deserve such an amazing woman, made her happy nor appreciated her as he should have. Even when deep down I knew she didn't love him and that marriage was a mistake. Even when I doubted he even loved her and I thought he just pretended to because he'd rather die before being alone. Even then, I kept my mouth shut.)

But in the end, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to tell her everything-or at least something; at least the bottom line. If I didn't, I would simply d lose it and I really didn't want to give up on my sanity. Besides, if I didn't tell her, if I left her marry Roy without her knowing my feelings, I would forever be haunted by the _what if_ question, wondering if things would have been different, if she could have changed her mind and chosen me instead.

So I talked to her. I told her how I felt about her, and guess what? It was a disaster. She didn't feel the same way about me- or maybe she did, but she couldn't admit it because she was engaged to someone else. Either way, it broke what was left of my heart into a million pieces. She tried to explain, and make me understand how much my friendship meant to her, but I cut her off. I was so overwhelmed at that very moment by feelings of anger and sadness that I just couldn't nor wanted to hear her apologies. I cut her off, telling her that I wanted more than just friendship, trying to make her see my point of view, how I just couldn't live another day without her, but I couldn't talk some sense into her.

And then we kissed - something I had been wanting to do for a long time; probably ever since I had had first met her, and even when she admitted she felt the same way, she still said she would marry Roy. When I heard those words, I simply gave up. I said it was okay and I left, as some kind of quiet, soothing pain washed over me. It was like the confirmation of the fact that I had nothing left, nothing to wake up in the mornings for.

With nothing tying me to Scranton anymore, I requested to be transferred to another branch right away. I didn't care which. I just wanted to get away as far as possible from Pamela 'soon to be Roy's wife' Beesly. The corporate didn't care about the reasons why I wanted to leave Dunder Mifflin Scranton-probably they just blamed Michael- and agreed to transfer me to the closest branch, Stamford, which is where I am now.

(Of course Michael wasn't the reason. I had been standing him for years, so if he really would have been the problem, I would have quit way earlier. No, the reason was way more complicated. It was a reason that had a name and a last name. The most beautiful reason on the face of the Earth to me. Pam Beesly. But of course I wouldn't tell that to corporate executives. If they wanted to blame Michael Scott, then so be it. He certainly deserved it. )

At first it was really hard- I was here, she was there, and I missed her, and no matter how hard I tried I just _couldn't _be mad at her nor forget her. Desperately trying to go back to normality, I started dating Karen, one of my co-workers, thinking that maybe that was what I needed to forget the past and move on.

I was finally starting to fit in here and adjust to the way things work in this branch; I was starting to pick up the pieces of my life and trying my best to put them back together; I had just given Karen a chance to prove me that love isn't just something that can destroy you, but that it can also make you whole again- I wasn't sure if she would be able to heal me, but at least I had given her the chance.

Things were starting to get better- or that's what it seemed. Until today. Until Jan Levinson came and gave me the news: the Stamford branch was the one being shut down, the Scranton branch was absorbing it and everyone would be fired except some lucky ones-among which was I- who wouldn't, but would be transferred there.

Jan didn't listen when I tried to explain I couldn't go back there. She congratulated me for being among the lucky ones and assured me that the corporate didn't want to lose me because I was a very good employee and she said that once I was back in Scranton, I'd probably be promoted to number two of that branch. She completely ignored me and left, in a hurry, as she always was.

Here I am, packing to go back. As I do so, the irony of the situation keeps hitting severally me like strong waves, one after the other.

_You left Scranton to get over her, and you promised yourself you wouldn't go back, ever. And now you're sent back there and you have to go unless you want to lose your job, and she's single, but you can't do anything about it, because now you have Karen. Ironic. Just when it seemed you had it all together. _

Suddenly, and completely out of nowhere, I laugh, causing both Andy and Karen to turn their gazes to me, a puzzled look on his face and one of sarcastic disbelief on hers. I pay them no attention.

_And life has a funny, funny way of helping you out…  
Helping you out._

It's just so ridiculous, so absurd, this situation I find myself in, and I just had to admit it. After all, I've always been someone who's proud of being capable of self-criticism.

_This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous, Halpert. C'mon, pull yourself together, man. It's not that bad. You're going home. _

As I finish packing, my lips curl into a small smile. The rational part of me is right. All of this might seem the Universe taking me as some cosmic joke, God being mad at me, or Karma trying to punish me. But it has a bright side: I get to go home. And that's the thought that stays on the top of my mind, over all, while I start humming a song as I make my way out of the office.

_I'm going home. _


	11. Reunion & Undertones

**Title:** Reunion & Undertones.

**Continuity:** 'The Merger'. (Season Three's 8th episode.)

**Song: **'Another day', by Paramore.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. This chapter is centered around both Jim and Pam's thoughts and feelings on the reunion; I really hope I did a good job with this one since it's one of my favorite scenes ever and I really wouldn't want to blow it. Tell me what you think.

* * *

For the first time in months, Jim Halpert walked throughout the short hallway to the entrance of the office where everything had begun.

_She_, the woman who reminded herself every single day that it was her fault that he had gone away, saw him from afar and her lips curled up in a smile as she nervously tried to comb her messy curls with her hands.

The moment he saw _her,_ the woman who was the living reason because of which he'd left Scranton, sitting at her spot on the reception desk, he immediately stopped paying attention to the conversation he was having with his partner, who walked next to him, and he focused all of his senses on her, trying to capture her image to make it stay fire-burned to his brain. God, he had missed her_. Doesn't she look prettier than ever?_, he wondered, somehow sadly.

She stood up and smiled widely, waiting for him to reach her spot.

_And do you ever want me? Do you ever need me?  
I know that you left before goodbye.  
And it's okay, there's always another day.  
_

He stopped walking once he was a couple of feet away from her desk. "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm new here…" He started speaking, but she interrupted him.

_And anytime you want me, anytime you see me,  
I don't think you meant to say goodbye.  
But it's okay, there's always another day._

"Oh my God, it's really you!"She exclaimed, running towards him and practically jumping into his arms, without caring how childish, stupid or ridiculous she looked. She was so happy that it was actually _real _and that he was back, that she didn't care what the others thought about her behavior. All she cared about was that he was there. He was back.

He couldn't help but opening his arms to receive her inside of his strong embrace. Once he had her in his arms, he furtively sighed. He'd missed that.

For a seemingly never-ending moment, neither of them spoke, as they silently hug.

She would have wanted to tell him some of the things that she couldn't keep inside any longer, like _Welcome home,_ _I love you_, _Please forgive me_, _I missed you_, and many others, but she held herself back and instead, buried her face on his chest, breathing his scent in for the first time in months.

He would have wanted to tell her some of the things he had inside as well, like _You can't imagine how hard it's been to live without you_, _I still love you_, _I don't care about what you did months ago anymore_, _I never wanted to go away in the first place_ and more, but he held himself back and simply hugged her tight, enjoying the fact that he felt at home.

They would have wanted to stay that way forever, silently holding each other, telling each other with that simple action all the things that they couldn't find courage enough to say with words.

Soon enough, though, they broke apart, looking nervous and a bit embarrassed.

"I was just doing a little joke about how we never met… "He said, breaking the silence, trying to make conversation.

"I know. I don't care."She answered, interrupting him again, chuckling slightly.

_I really don't care. You're here and that's all that matters._

"Awesome."He stifled laughter and smiled. "Good to be back. The place looks really good."

_It's great to be back. And I really don't care about the place, but you look as beautiful as ever,_ he refrained himself from saying.

"It's really good to see you."She said, sincerely, looking down for a second so he wouldn't see the emotion in her eyes and the tears the blinked back.

_Actually, having you back is the best thing that's happened to me ever since you left, months ago. Sorry for the understatement._

"You too."He answered, nodding.

They both fell silent again.

For some reason, he just couldn't stop staring at her. And vice versa.

So their eyes locked.

Her olive-green eyes locked with his grayish-brown gaze.

They both smiled for no apparent reason.

In that moment, something deep inside of him clicked over and he simply _knew _it.

His subconscious became aware of the fact that he loved that woman and that he would never love anybody else but her, and that it was useless trying to deny it because when someone makes you feel at _home_, that's it, that person's the one.

At the same time, some kind of alarm went off inside of her, making her realize that she wasn't going to sit and watch how he moved on with his life. _No, sir_. She realized she would do whatever it took to win him back. Because she loved him. Because her life was pointless without him. Because she knew they _had_ to be together. It was fate.

Maybe he wasn't going to admit it just yet.

And perhaps she wouldn't start acting right away.

But he was going to.

And she definitely would.

Maybe not today or tomorrow nor the next day after that.

But one day, they were going to be together and be the happiest people on Earth.

Nevertheless, today wasn't that day.

It'd be a long time until that day.

Today, instead, was just the beginning.

So he brushed those realizations off his mind and walked over to his desk.

And she did the same as she walked back to hers.

Today just _wasn't _the day.

Although it felt pretty good to be home again.


	12. Silence, please

**Title:** Silence, please.

**Continuity:** 'The Merger'. (Season Three's 8th episode.)

**Song: **'Don't speak', by No Doubt.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. This chapter revolves around one of the certainly most awkward scenes between Jim and Pam ever. I think only the apology scene from 'The Negotiation' tops it. Anyways, it fascinated me and I knew I had to write about it. I added No Doubt's "Don't speak" because it really fits with the situation.

* * *

You knew this was going to happen.

You saw it coming.

Don't pretend you didn't.

You knew he would try to move on, and you knew he would succeed.

That is simply who he is.

He _always_ succeeds at everything he attempts.

He's _that _great.

So when you saw him looking at her the way he did, you instantly realized that woman - you thought you remembered her name was Karen - was more to him than just a coworker.

You realized she was his girlfriend.

The moment you thought it, the mere idea made you shake your head in disgust.

But it was the truth, a truth that you couldn't escape from, no matter how much it hurt you.

You didn't want him to move on.

You didn't want him to love anybody else.

You didn't want him to have a girlfriend unless that was you.

But he had moved on, just like you knew he would, and what you wanted didn't matter at all. Of that you were sure.

You also knew he would want to share it with you, that he would want to give you some explanations about her and be polite about the fact that he had disappeared from your life for months and then he had come back with a girlfriend.

Truth be told, you had never been less interested on talking to him.

If there was something you weren't willing to do was sitting and chatting with him about what was going on with his life, because you knew that even when he wouldn't do it on purpose, he'd rub on your face the fact that he'd moved on every time he mentioned her name. And it would hurt like hell.

It was something else that you wouldn't be able to escape from.

You didn't want to hear it, but you knew it would happen, sooner or later.

* * *

_Don't speak; I know just what you're saying.  
So please stop explaining.  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.  
Don't speak; I know what you're thinking;_

_and I don't need your reasons.  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts._

It would turn out to be the sooner, as you found out by the time the day ended. You were heading to your car when you heard him calling after you. You put on the best poker face you could and turned around to see him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I thought you'd already left."He commented, casually.

"Oh no, I just had some other stuff I had to do."You said, smiling, although the tone of your voice was a little more high-pitched than you would have wanted it to be.

_Don't break down, Pam. You can do it. _

"Good."He said simply.

You mentally thanked God he didn't ask what the _other stuff you had to do_ was. You wouldn't want to tell him that you were in the bathroom, crying your eyes out.

Wanting to get over with it before anxiety killed you, you spoke again. "What's up?"You asked, trying to give him the chance to start talking about what he had in mind.

"Oh nothing… "He shrugged."I just feel bad that things were a little weird today. That's all."

_Weird? You don't talk to me in months and then you show up with a new girlfriend and you act all different. Of course it's weird! What did you expect?_

You faked surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I just think I should tell you that I sort of started seeing someone."He answered; his face unreadable and his eyes sparkling on the almost complete darkness of the parking lot.

_You sort of stared seeing someone? What's that supposed to mean? If you have a girlfriend, why don't you just say it? What are you afraid of? It's not like I'm gonna jump off a bridge or something._

You turned around and walked a few more steps toward your car as you replied. "Oh. That's totally fine."You lied through your teeth, trying your best to look and sound sincere. "You can do whatever you want."You assured him.

"Oh. Okay. Uh, good."He mumbled, nodding, but he didn't look too convinced.

You couldn't blame him for that, though. You weren't good at lying. You decided to try once again.

"We are friends."You stated matter-of-factly, looking at him in the eyes and smiling reassuringly. "We'll always be friends."

_Don't act as if you needed my permission to move on with your life because you already did that. That's right, we'll always be friends because no matter what you do, I'm in love with you and I will always need you and I can't live without you. So yeah, we're friends, even when that's killing me. Are you happy now? _

He nodded again and stepped back, heading back towards his car."Right."

You turned around one last time. "Good to have you back."You said politely, although you didn't look at him in the eye.

"Yeah, is good to be back."You heard him mumble as he walked away.

You sighed deeply and got into your car. As you started the enginery and drove back to your apartment, your façade slowly but surely fell apart and tears started streaming down your cheeks, to the point when you had to pull over in order to prevent an accident, because you were crying so hard that you couldn't properly see the road.

You hate the fact that things are awkward and weird between you and him.

You hate the fact that he has a girlfriend.

You hate the fact that you can't hold his gaze because every time you ignore those facts, you're lying.

You hate being forced to lie, but you can't be okay with those facts, so you have no choice.

What you hate the most, though, it's that all this is your fault.

You were the one who shut him down on Casino Night.

You knew that after that disappointment, he would try to move on and he would succeed.

And if you can't accept that, it's your problem.


	13. Unexpected reactions

**Title:** Unexpected reactions.

**Continuity:** 'The Merger'. (Season Three's 8th episode.)

**Song: **'Boy's don't cry', by The Cure.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. The first part is a flashback, which is why it is on italics. The second part narrates what I imagined as Jim's reaction to the conversation he has with Pam. (The scene where he locks himself in the car and lets the rage take over him is fictional, but he did seem upset when he headed back to his car; maybe I pushed it a little too far; if I did, let me know.) Also, I love the song and it really fits the way Jim acts on these episodes. (I'm a fan of him but let's admit it: during the whole Season 3 the guy does nothign but denying what he feels.)

* * *

_"What do you mean?"The woman asked, more out of politeness than interest. _

_"I just think I should tell you that I sort of started seeing someone."The man answered, trying to make it sound as if it wasn't important. _

_"Oh. That's totally fine."The woman replied, doing her best not to show her true emotions. "You can do whatever you want."She reassured him. _

_"Oh. Okay. Uh, good."_

_"We are friends. We'll always be friends."There was some sort of resignation written on her face and implicit on the tone of her voice, as if that friendship was something that she no longer wanted to be a part of. _

_"Right."He mumbled, walking a few steps back. The coldness of her words seemed to cut him to the core. _

_"Good to have you back."Now her back was turned on him, but he didn't need to see her face to know that the conversation was over. Besides, the still glacial tone of her words was starting to bother him._

_"Yeah, is good to be back."He said the words but he really felt the opposite as he walked back to his car. He got into it and put his hands on the steering wheel but he couldn't bring himself to start it. All he could do was sit there and breathe while the memory of that conversation replayed inside his head over and over again. And before he could stop himself, he started hitting the steering wheel with his fists as an indescribable rage washed over him. _

_

* * *

_

_Now I would do most anything to get you back by my side._  
_ But I just keep on laughing; hiding the tears in my eyes. _  
_ Because boys don't cry. _  
_ Boys don't cry. _  
_ Boys don't cry._

"Idiot. You're an idiot. You're a jerk. You're the biggest dumbass on the planet. You're… you're… "

Jim Halpert paused for a moment, trying to find the appropriate word to describe himself. Failing at it, he fell silent for a moment, before resuming with the insulting.

"You're a coward. You're pathetic. You're mean… "

That wasn't Jim Halpert's usual behavior.

He rarely got angry; he almost never lost his temple and only a couple of things pissed him off enough for him to show it. But after that conversation he felt the rage running through his veins like acid, making it hard for him to think straight. He wasn't capable of driving in that state so he decided to lock himself inside of the car and get it out of his system. He was afraid that if he didn't vent, he would go crazy.

God, he felt angry. He couldn't even remember the last time he had felt that way.

When _she_ had shot him down at Casino Night, he hadn't felt angry. He had felt disappointed and stupid.

During all that time that he had lived in Stamford, he hadn't felt angry. He had felt empty.

When he had first known that he would come back to Scranton, he had felt hopeful; happy even.

But now he felt angry.

Angry at himself for falling for his best friend.

Angry at himself for giving up so easily on her, and fleeing to Stamford instead of staying and facing things like a man.

Angry at himself for being a coward.

Angry at himself for starting a relationship with a woman he didn't love; that he couldn't love because he loved someone else.

Angry at himself for feeling hurt by his best friend's cold and distant attitude, when he knew he deserved it.

Angry at himself for the way that things had gone.

Angry at himself for not being brave enough to fix things up.

What bothered him the most, though, was the fact that he couldn't be mad at _her._

It pissed him off because it didn't make sense. She had _hurt _him; he was supposed to be offended, at the very least. He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted to hate her. He had Karen, for God's sake. Karen was the one he was supposed to love. But he didn't love her.

He loved his best friend, and that fact wasn't going to change despite how frustrated, furious or annoyed he felt for the situation they were in.

When that realization came to his mind, the anger slowly disappeared, leaving behind a void that was quickly filled by resignation, disappointment and sadness. He breathed in and out a few times, and after a couple of minutes he felt calm again.

The problem with the feelings of sadness, resignation and disappointment was that once they came, they liked to stay for long periods of time- and shaking them off was hard. Really, really hard.


	14. Absurd Comparisons

**Title:** Absurd Comparisons.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'Travelling Salesmen' (Season Three's 13th episode.)

**Song: **-.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's and Karen's POV. Okay, this one is a bit angsty, like the previous one, but it basically compares Karen and Jim's thoughts on Pam, although it takes place before Karen finds out about the whole story of her boyfriend with his best friend. I'm glad I had the idea of writing this- although I would have appreciated it if my muse would have suggested it on daytime and not when I was about to fall asleep, XD- because it really sucks for Karen throughout the entire Season and she deserves someone to listen to her talking about it. So let's listen. Or should I say let's read?

* * *

Karen didn't get it. She simply couldn't understand it.

Karen thought Pam Beesly wasn't pretty. She had watched her attentively and of all the things she had seen, she couldn't mention one that she found attractive.

Like, for example, Karen thought Pam's hair tended to get too messy.

Karen thought Pam's skin looked way too pale sometimes.

Karen thought Pam's lips were too thin.

Karen thought Pam wasn't tall or slender.

(Jim, on the other hand, couldn't take his eyes off Pam; he loved her eyes, which he considered the most perfect shade of green; he loved her hair, which perfectly framed her delicate features; he loved her smile and the fact that she had the perfect dimensions to fit in his embrace. To him, Pam was beautiful.)

Karen didn't like Pam Beesly's personality either. To her, it seemed like the receptionist was mellow and shy and way too passive; coward even. Besides, it annoyed the hell out of Karen that Pam always looked like she was bored as Hell.

(Jim, instead, knew Pam's real personality, the one that he described with words like _caring_, _sweet,_ _kind,_ _funny,_ _compassionate _and _smart_. Pam was the girl that was always ready and willing to help him pulling a prank on Dwight but that also was there for him when he was down; Pam was the girl who genuinely cared about everybody; Pam was his best friend. And he missed her. )

Karen thought that Pam Beesly was so typically average, that there wasn't anything remarkable about her. She wasn't that smart or funny or pretty. Karen couldn't find anything interesting about her.

(Needless to say Jim found Pam fascinating.)

Karen thought Pam was the kind of girl who had zero ambitions; the girl who settled for being a receptionist for years and years and years in a small paper company branch with a doubtful future.

(Jim, on the other hand, knew everything about Pam's dreams of becoming an artist, marrying a man that loved her and having a big house with a terrace where she could plant a lot of flowers, and all the other things that she wanted but never mentioned, because she didn't feel comfortable asking life for too much. Jim would have given anything to be the one to make those dreams come true. )

Karen did her best to like Pam; but at the end of the day, she just couldn't stand her.

(Jim did his best not to love Pam, but at the end of the day, he simply did.)

Karen thought that Pam Beesly was full of flaws.

Jim Halpert, on the other hand, was flawless.

And so Karen Fillipelli couldn't understand how a man like him could ever be interested in someone like Pam.

Karen thought Jim was spectacularly perfect; the kind of guy you find once in a lifetime. And to her eyes, Pam Beesly was so… ordinary, so unworthy of someone like him.

But there had been something between them- of that, Karen was sure. She had noticed the way they acted when they were together, how awkward and weird things seemed to be every time they were forced to interact. Karen was aware there was something going on between his boyfriend and his best friend- she didn't know what, but she would find out as soon as possible.

If Pam had let Jim go, it was her problem. Karen had found Jim and she had fallen in love with him and it wasn't fair for her to have to stand being treated like she didn't exist. He was _her_ boyfriend, not Pam's, after all. It drove Karen crazy that Jim didn't pay her as much attention as he paid to his best friend. That was why she had started to compare herself with that girl.

If Karen was asked about herself she would objectively and sincerely say that she was smart, capable, hard-worker, competitive and responsible when it came to her job, and that she was funny, likeable and easy- going in the other aspects of her life.

If Karen was asked if she considered herself good looking, she wouldn't pretend humility and she would say yes.

If she was asked how she was within a relationship, she would tell the truth: she was loving and passionate and straightforward: when she wanted something or someone, she didn't stop until she got it.

If she was asked what she wanted from love, the answer was simple: someone who could love her the way she was.

Karen was a rational person; she could have understood that his boyfriend had troubles getting over his ex if that woman would have been as special as him. But the fact that he couldn't get over Pam Beesly really pissed her off.

It wasn't that Karen though she was perfect. Not at all. But she considered herself worthy of love.

She _was_ worthy of love. She didn't deserve this.

Karen was patient, but she had reached a turning point.

She was proud and brave and she fought for what she wanted. She wouldn't let the man she loved slip right through her fingers. No.

Karen Fillipelli would fight every battle, even when it seemed like she had already lost the war.


	15. Hate

**Title:** Hate.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'The Negotiation' (Season Three's 18th episode.)

**Song: **-.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. I just had to write about this- I love the way we can all see Pam's internal struggle (no matter how hard she tries to hide it) to decide between what she should do and what she wants to do, like for example, whether she should be polite about Karen or not; whether she should fight for Jim or not; whether she should confess her true feelings or suppress them and try to move on. That struggle is one of the season three's constants features, and I love writing about it - in all of its different aspects. (Oh, and sorry for the weird metaphor at the end of the story.)

* * *

You greeted her with a smile and you thought that she seemed the kind of girl who could be your friend.

When you first met her, you truly felt like you might have found someone that you would like a lot. So you acted friendly, not only because you are a friendly person, but because she seemed nice and you wanted her (as well as all the other employees from Stamford) to feel welcome.

(Okay, maybe deep down you only cared for making _one_ of them feel especially welcome, but you still wanted to make everybody else feel appreciated and respected. )

Yes, you greeted her with a smile and you thought that she seemed the kind of girl who could be your friend. But that was before, on her first day.

You were _so_ wrong.

_Had I known who she was, I would have probably greeted her with a bucket of cold water. _

Now you just can't believe you once thought that way. Now that you know what you know, the idea just seems completely ridiculous. Just the thought of it would make you laugh - if you didn't feel like crying, of course.

(Because lately you always feel like crying, whether it is out of sadness, heartbreak or frustration. You wish you knew how to make it stop, but you don't.)

Now, you can't stand her. It's not that she's a bad person – in fact, you're sure she's a decent, funny, smart and caring girl. As much as you would like to blame her for everything that's happened and say that she's the "wicked witch" in this story, you know that you can't. It wouldn't be fair. That woman's not a bad person, and if the circumstances were different, she would probably be your friend.

_Karen Fillipelli, my friend? I'd rather die. _

But there are reasons of force majeure making you hate her.

It's not that you just dislike her.

It's not that she just has some things that bother you.

You _hate_ her.

Every time you have to talk to her, you have to hold yourself back from yelling at her. And if looks could kill, you think she'd be already six feet underground because of the cold glares you keep sending in her direction.

You're not used to feel this way. You're a quiet, peaceful, passive person. It seemed impossible that someone like you was capable of hating someone, much less hating someone this fiercely. You personally didn't believe it, until it happened, and you discovered that you were capable of that and more.

But of course, deep down inside, you know she's not really the problem. You don't hate Karen Fillipelli, that nice girl who you thought could be your friend.

It's Karen Fillipelli, Jim's girlfriend, the one that upsets you, drives you insane with jealously and fills your body with an incredibly huge amount of silent, unnoticeable yet omnipresent hate.

The mere thought of them together makes you want to scream, cry, throw things and hit something really hard, all at the same time. The simple idea of your best friend – _the man you love_, your heart reminds you all the time as if you could forget it - dating someone, makes you feel miserable and invisible and empty and pathetic.

(You think you've finally understood what it means when people say that they have nothing to live for.)

But overall, seeing them together makes you feel jealous.

It's jealousy what's in the the center of all this. It's jealousy what's pushing you out of that comfort zone in which you usually live; it's making you act irrationally, impulsively, foolishly, in a way that's completely foreign for you.

So, we better rephrase all this.

When you first met her, you greeted her with a smile and you thought that she seemed the kind of girl who could be your friend.

Soon enough, you started feeling jealous of her.

Because, let's make it clear, you don't hate Karen. You _are jealous_ of her.

If you hated her, you could at least ignore her, and everything would be easier. If you hated her, you could pretend she doesn't exist, and the problem would be solved.

But you don't hate her.

You _envy_ her.

You wish you were her.

You wish you were the one _he_ tells jokes to, the one he hugs, the one he cares about and takes out on dates.

You wish you'd been given the opportunity she's been given.

You wish you were as lucky as she is.

You wish you hadn't blown your own chance with him.

But no matter how much you wish to be in her position, you're not.

And you have to stand jealousy eating you up inside every single day, knowing that there's nothing that you can do, because you can force someone into loving you, and he's clearly very much in love with his girlfriend. You're not going to hurt her or tell her to back off either, because you've never been a violent person and you're not going to start now. So you're going to have to stand the jealousy and the horrible way it makes you feel because you have no choice.

All you can do to respond is trying to hate her, as intensely as possible. Sometimes it seems like you succeed at it. Sometimes, you don't even know why you try (maybe because hating her makes you feel like you're still a part of that story; maybe because it makes you feel a little more alive; maybe because you resist to the idea of simply walking away and leaving them alone.)

The worst part of jealousy, though, is that it doesn't come alone. It brings its friends, sadness, loneliness, despair and insecurities.

So when the night comes and you find yourself having dinner alone in your tiny apartment, the hate's already gone and those other feelings swoop down on you like a flock of birds fighting over the remains of a picnic.

And in those moments you just feel empty.


	16. A bad person

**Title: **A bad person.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'Travelling Salesmen' (Season Three's 13th episode.)

**Song: **-**.**

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim-centric. Okay, this one is weird. When I first imagined I thought: 'Jim talks about how he feels when he realizes that Karen is a re-bound and that he's using her; Jim reflects about being a bad person'. But then I started thinking about the whole concept of 'being a bad person', and I came up with this idea of having a "divided pov's of the same person" chapter: on one hand, we have Jim's actual thoughts (the little parts at the beginning and the end) and on the other hand, we have his conscience, telling him what he already knows but refuses to hear. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

_I didn't mean to act this way.  
_

_I'm not always like this.  
_

_I was heartbroken and I didn't know what to do._

_I was desperate. _

_I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Things just happened and I played along. (Anyone would have done the same... I guess.)  
_

_I think I just need time and things will be okay. Maybe with time I'll be able to move on. _

_Trying to move on doesn't make me a bad person. (Theoretically...)_

_Besides, I can always fix things up. (Right?)  
_

_

* * *

_

When you find yourself dating someone just to convince yourself that your life isn't over when the woman you love rejects you, you should become aware of the fact that's wrong and that you're using them. And that's bad. That is in fact, awfully immoral.

When you find yourself involuntarily thinking of, listening to, sighing and staring at the woman you're supposed to be over, you should know that's not healthy or appropriate. That's actually kind of pathetic.

When you say you love a woman, but instead you feel like your life depends on another one, you're in trouble.

When you spend all the time trying to figure out how to _stop loving _your 'ex' best friend instead of spending it with your girlfriend, you definitively have a problem.

When you look into your girlfriend's eyes, and instead of feeling love towards her you can't help but whishing she was someone else or that you were someone else or that your heart could simply help you in your attempt of falling for her, you should realize that can't be normal. You should realize that love doesn't work that way because it comes naturally and all the effort in the world won't make you fall in or out of love with someone. The heart makes the choice. And you should try to be okay with that choice, whatever that is.

When you're forced to try to convince yourself (and everybody else) that what you feel is love because even you have troubles believing it, then maybe love's not what you're feeling.

When you know deep down inside of you that you're just pretending to love someone but you don't say anything because you got too entangled with all the lies you told and all the things you did wrong, then you're- or you've become, which is practically the same- an idiotic, chronic liar. Generally, you shouldn't be in that position- too trapped within the lies but too afraid to tell the truth because of the mess that could cause and the hearts that could break; but liars usually get themselves into that kind of situations.

When the fear of someone eventually finding out about the truth and everything falling apart consumes you, then you know you're in danger and that it's your entire fault – and you deserve it for hiding the truth for so long.

Being that kind of guy is wrong. Doing those things is despicable, and it makes you a bad person.

But overall, when you know that you are- or you're acting like- a bad person, you should simply stop and make things right.

There isn't other way around.

Excuses don't work. You don't get to even try to deny it with the usual lines. That's just lame and it's not going to get you anywhere.

Things are usually simpler than people dares to admit.

You can either want to make things right and do it (no delays, no doubts, no complications, no remorse) or you can't _want _to make things but not being brave enough to do it (which is the situation that frequently starts that vicious circle where things just get more and more complicated.)

But even if you're among the ones who aren't brave enough, you should know that everything's possible, and that once you find some courage and start acting in the way you're supposed to, you'll realize that what you feared wasn't so terrible when you compare it with the rewards of bravery.

The choice between good and bad is up to you. Like it's always been.

You just have to pick one and act in consequence.

* * *

_I used to think I was a good person. I think I was. I believe I was the kind of guy who would never hurt anyone if he could help it. _

_It's a shame that I'm not that person anymore. I liked being the good guy. _

_But since now I can't stop hurting the people I care about, I guess those days are over. _


	17. Bittersweet life

**Title:** Bittersweet life.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'Travelling Salesmen' (Season Three's 13rd episode.)

**Song: **'Brick by boring brick', by Paramore.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam-centric. This one it's divided, just as the previous chapter. There is a fragment of a song first. Then there are three sections (they're all narrated on the third person): the top one and the bottom one are somehow the explanation to the middle one (which represents Pam's process of denial.) I hope you like it. If you do, it might mean that having a very bad day (which includes not eating for hours and staying late in school for a stupid, unnecessary meeting) it's the right method to push my mind to focus and my fingers to write. We'll see. XD Tell me what you think.

* * *

_She lives in a fairy tale; somewhere too far for us to find.  
Forgotten the taste and smell of the world that she's left behind._

Being forced to learn how to live without him was hard enough, but having to forget about him when he was right there? Simply excruciating. Consequently, her mind developed a self-defense mechanism. Reality was too hard to accept, so she went into denial, which made her numb. But then denial became unsustainable, and reality attacked her again, biting her and not letting go, like a shark. When the pain too hard to bear, she went into denial again.

It was an endless vicious circle; she'd gotten herself into it, and now she didn't know how to get out.

It was an endless, crazy vicious circle: it started when a fact of reality was too hard to accept, and it ended when she settled for standing that fact, as a thorn in her side.

It was an endless, crazy, unhealthy vicious circle: reality, pain, denial, pain, reality, denial…

And that endless, crazy, unhealthy vicious circle was her life.

* * *

_Seeing them together doesn't bother her at all._

_She doesn't envy Karen._

_She doesn't hate her. _

_She doesn't hate herself as well for being a coward unable of fighting for what she wants. _

_She doesn't want or love Jim._

_She doesn't feel like her heart is torn to pieces beyond repair every time she thinks about them as a couple, every time she thinks of him moving on. _

_She doesn't feel invisible all the time._

_She doesn't think that if she disappeared from the face of the Earth no one would notice._

_She doesn't feel like her life is completely empty._

_His indifference doesn't feel like a knife cutting her to the very core. _

_She does not desperately want his forgiveness and love._

_It's not like being forced to settle for not having him is the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. _

_It's not like she has never had so much trouble remembering why she has to get up in the mornings. _

_It's not like she's willing to do anything in order to have him back. _

_

* * *

_

Sometimes she wondered how she managed to carry on living the way she did when she felt like everything in her life was either a lie or depended on one. Only the fact of her existence escaped from her spiral of lies and denial, because pain remembered her that she was alive; but she figured that, at some point, routine and acceptance would defeat denial and surrender would follow. Then she would lose all hope and that would be it.

Denial was a poison. But since it made her forget about her empty life, it tasted sweet; so she gave in to denial.

Even when she knew how bitter was the taste of the pain that came right after.


	18. Unsent Letter number 50

**Title:** Unsent Letter #50.

**Continuity:** Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'The Negotiation' (Season Three's 18th episode.)

**Song: -**.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam-centric. I'm sorry it took a little too long to update this time but school's already begun to drive me crazy and I don't have time much time to write. I really hope you like this chapter, it was a wonderful, sudden inspiration and I wrote it in like, 10 minutes. (Something that, sadly, almost never happens. XD) Oh, and by the way, the lyrics that Pam briefly quotes belong to 'I cut off my hair' by the _wonderful, wonderful_ Regina Spektor. This chapter goes to Dai, for being such an awesome, understanding friend and such a _wonderful_, interesting, talented person.

* * *

Dear Jim:

The reason I'm writing this letter is that I seem to have become unable of accepting reality. It appears that I have a problem differentiating between what I want, and what it is. For example, I was hoping that when you came back to Scranton we would talk about what happened in Casino Night. We kissed. You remember, right? It hasn't been so long, even if it feels like a decade has passed. I hoped we could work things out. I mean, I didn't expect you to still be in love with me or anything (okay, maybe I _did;_ that's not the point). I _did_ expect you, however, to still want to be my friend. I thought we were best friends. And best friends are supposed to last forever. So I'm confused.

Maybe we weren't as good friends as I thought. Maybe I just wore you down and you took the first chance you got to escape from me. Maybe I hurt you and that's why you moved away. I don't know. Whatever was the cause of you leaving, I hoped things would be better when you came back. I was happy that you were coming back. So, so happy. You have no idea. Yet now you're back and everything is just so different, so weird and awkward between us.

Now there's Karen, and why do I feel this way about her? Why don't I like her? And why in Hell do you act as if I don't exist? Why do you ignore me? Can't you see I was waiting for you? Can't you see I miss you and I want us to be friends again? I mean, you should have seen it. Why else would I be so desperately trying to get a chance to be around you? I can't believe you're not doing anything to fix our friendship up. Maybe you don't want to. Is it that you're still angry at me? You probably got really angry at me for shutting you down and choosing Roy instead.

I know exactly how you feel, actually. You're doing the same to me now, with Karen. That's wrong. I mean, I know I did it, but aren't you supposed to be the better person? Aren't you supposed to be better than this? I think you are. I think we're both better than this, Jim. Maybe I'm asking for too much, who knows? Maybe that's just another consequence of confusing what I want and what it is: I _want_ us to be better than this, but right now, we _aren't._ Maybe we can't be, but I keep foolishly hoping things will change. I guess I'm crazy. Isn't that how a song goes? _The definition of a crazy person is: someone that does the same things over and over again while expecting new results._ Yeah, I think that's how it goes.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bore you here. Where was I? Oh, right. Being a better person and all. We should be better than this. Also, Karen should move back to Connecticut. Don't you think? Why do you need her for if you have me? Okay, that was _terribly_ selfish and lame. Sorry about that. But I do have some trouble (major trouble, actually) accepting the fact that you are dating someone. I guess it's hard for me because, like I told you, I was hoping things to go different.

Not that I have any romantic expectations on you or anything. That'd be inappropriate. I'm just confused, that's all, because there are some… 'contradictions' between what I want and what it is. (Probably I'm an idiot for wanting you to care about me in some way, since I was the one to make you feel miserable on the first place, but I can't help myself. I guess it's impossible to not have that kind of wishes when you're in love. And I am, very much in love. Too bad it's unrequited and that makes dreams become nightmares. Blame it on my bad luck.)

To make it shorter, here are the facts: I don't know if you've forgiven me. (I certainly wish you have.) I guess you don't love me, need me or miss me, since you're with Karen. (But I would be delighted if things were different.) You're _theoretically_ my friend, but we act like we're strangers. (And I wish we were the same as before things got so messy.) You and Karen make a great couple, and you seem to be doing fine. (No matter how much I wish otherwise.) See? What I want gets in the way of what it is, over and over again. I can't separate wishes from facts, and that's been happening to me for a long time. (Ever since I realized I'm in love with you.) Oh, gosh, I wasn't even supposed to tell you that. I only wrote this letter because I wanted to tell you about what my life has become: there's what I _want _and there's what it _is_, as separate entities, and then there's me, trying not to fall into the huge abyss between them. It's awful. Help me, Jim. I'm trying here and I can't survive like this. Only you can change things. The future of our friendship depends on you. Even more important, I depend on you. Don't let me down, please.

Yours, Pam.

* * *

She very softly laid one finger on the _Enter_ button. She only had to press it and the e-mail would be sent. But she hesitated. Was she ready to let the world know her truth? Was she ready to fight for what she wanted? Was it really worth fighting for? Or was she just confused? She swallowed hard, raised her finger, but she stopped when she was about to hit the button. Acting impulsively, she cut the content from the e-mail, pasted into a text file and closed her Hotmail's inbox. Sighing deeply, she saved the document inside a folder.

The folder's name: SUL.

Code for _Secret Unsent Letters. _

She glanced at _him,_ fought back the tears and mentally counted the times she'd been through that process during the last weeks. The result of the calculation didn't please her at all.

Written letters: 50.

Letters sent: _0._


	19. To be thankful for

**Title: **To be thankful for.

**Continuity:** 'A Benihana Christmas, Part One'. (Season Three's 10th episode.)

**Song: **-**.**

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. Drabble. This one is a little too short, I know. But it's about Jim's thoughts on Christmas and the way he feels about it when his life is clearly something different from what he'd like, and on how complicated everything is, and I figured it had to be short. (Or maybe it's just my laziness, taking over me as usual.) Anyway, I hope you like it.

* * *

So it's Christmas today. I wish I could feel happier about this, but the truth is, I don't.

Maybe if my life wasn't a mess.

Maybe if I weren't stuck here.

Maybe if I weren't an idiot who just sits and waits for his life to get fixed by magic.

Maybe if I weren't a coward.

Maybe if I were more proactive.

Maybe if I didn't have to deal with the fact that I'm dating someone that I don't love, which wouldn't be so terrible if she didn't love me, but she does.

Maybe if I could stop loving this other woman, who used to be my best friend.

Maybe if she loved me back.

Maybe if I were free.

Maybe if I could just find a way to free myself without breaking my girlfriend's heart.

Maybe if I could have some sort of certainty that the woman I love will love me back if I dare to try and conquer her heart once again.

Maybe if I stopped acting like a zombie.

Maybe if I appreciated what I have- which is not little, because Karen is an extraordinary woman - instead of wishing for the things that I don't have.

Maybe if I stopped being so comfortably numb.

Maybe if I started being a man, a real man, and faced the consequences of my mistakes.

Maybe then I could fix them.

And maybe then things would be alright.

And maybe then I'd be happy about Santa's arrival.

But the way things are right now, my life is a mess.

Yes, it's Christmas, but there's little for me to be thankful for.


	20. Of Change and Great Expectations

**Title:** Of Change and Great Expectations.

**Continuity:** 'A Benihana Christmas, Part One.' (Season Three's 10th episode.)

**Song: **'Early Christmas Present', by Kate Nash. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Pam-centric. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry it took so long to update this time but school's been driving me crazy, my parents have been driving me crazy, even my friends have been driving me crazy and I couldn't find the time to write. As always, I hope you like this chapter. The first section narrates the scene that I wanted to talk about (write about) in this chapter, and the second part of the chapter describes Pam's inner feelings. (I've been doing this a lot lately, because Pam's just the perfect character for that, so complex and interesting; I just hope you guys don't get tired of this, haha.) About the song: I've just found out about Kate's new album, and when I read this song's lyrics I was like, 'Oh my God, is she a Jam fan or something?' All the songs were great, as usual, but this one just fits the situation.

* * *

_You acted different__. You were so different. _

_You were impatient. _

_And you lied to me right to my face.  
And your best friend's ex-girlfriend's  
younger sister's mate, knew before I did.  
Before I did. Before I did._

_

* * *

_

"Jim."She softly called after him, and when he turned around she gestured for him to come closer.

He looked a little surprised, but he walked over to her desk with his hands in his pockets, in his usual suave way.

"Um, hey."She uttered.

"Hey."

"I need to give you your Christmas gift right now because, um… well, I'll just tell you."

"What?"He smiled.

"During the last few months, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA." She handed him a folder and flashed him the best of her smiles, the one she reserved for her best friend.

"Are you serious?"His smile became wider.

"They're considering him for a top-secret mission…"She pointed at one of the sheets. "Here's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never, ever tell."

He chuckled slightly and so did she. His laughter had always been contagious.

He started reading from the file to both of them, in a whisper. "Last year my boss Michael Scott took a day off 'cause he said he had pneumonia, but really he was going early to go to magic camp…"

She started laughing, trying not to be too obvious.

"Wow."He exclaimed.

"So here's the gift: you get to decide what his top-secret is."

He smiled at her.

"Sorry I didn't wrap it."She half joked, half apologized. Her smile was now a mix of excitement and mischief.

But his smile faded. He closed the folder and looked down and she just knew something was wrong.

"You know what? I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, though."

She looked up at him, and she almost failed at hiding her shock behind a soft expression of surprise. "Oh."

"No, it's just, the promotion…"

"Oh, yeah… "

"Just feels a little bit like, uh…"

"No, I get it, of course." She nodded, trying to act understanding and ignore the fact that he was making up excuses to reject her present. She attempted to smile even when all she wanted was for him to leave her alone so she could pick up the pieces of her dignity.

He made one of his faces- but it wasn't funny this time. She could see he was embarrassed, and frankly, he wasn't the only one. "Okay." She said, reaching her hand and taking the folder back.

He put his hands in his pockets again and walked back to his desk.

And once he turned his back on her, she stopped smiling (those fake smiles were getting harder and harder every time) and pure disappointment could be read in her face.

She deep breathed and tried to focus back on paperwork, or the fact that it was Christmas, or the fact that there was going to be a party or something, anything to keep her mind off of him, off of his painful rejection.

Needless to say it was impossible.

_Look cool_, she told herself. _Just look cool. Nothing happened. Nothing happened._

Inside her mind, her thoughts were spiraling and tumbling back down out of control, going back and forth, and analyzing every single one of their words once and over again…

Nothing happened in the outside, but in the inside she was a mess.

* * *

_You have got to be kidding me. _

_You can't be doing this. I thought we were friends, best friends. Even when you left Scranton and you started seeing someone else and all… I thought we were friends._

_Come on, pranking Dwight was our thing. You can't take that away from me._

_What are you trying to do? _

_I don't understand. You're not acting normal. There's no reason for that. Unless…_

_Unless you've really changed._

_So you've really changed._

_I thought you were just faking it._

_You've really changed and now you don't like pranking Dwight anymore… and you don't even have the decency of faking you do, accepting my present and pranking Dwight one last time, for me. _

_You can't even do this for me._

_You can't do anything for me._

_Wow. This is perfect. Just perfect. Really. I thought I'd never have to say this, but you are an ass._

_You are an ass, Jim. _

_You know I'm trying here, you see me trying everyday to be a good friend and this is what I get?_

_You can't even pretend to still be the same, old Jim who was my best friend and accept my __fucking __present?_

_Who did this to you? How did you become this merciless man who can't even pretend for his best friend?_

_Did Karen do this to you?_

_Did I?_

_Oh my God. I did this to you._

_You're shutting me down just like I did._

_Jesus._

_All this time waiting for you to come back and now that you have come back I find out that you are not the Jim I used to know._

_I also find out it's my fault. _

_And now I can't even give you a Christmas gift because you'll refuse to accept it._

_And now we can't even try to do the same stuff we used to because you'll say no even before I say a word. _

_And now I have to deal with the fact that I'm breaking down, crushing under the weight of my own great expectations. _

_Oh, God._

_I really screwed it up this time. _

_How am I gonna fix this?_

_**How am I gonna fix this?**_

_What if there's no way to fix this?_


	21. Trying and failing

**Title: **Trying and failing.

**Continuity:** 'A Benihana Christmas.' (Season Three's 10th and 11th episode.)

**Song: **'Left hand song', by Regina Spektor. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. Drabble. Again, I'm sorry about the delay and about how short this chapter is. I just hope you like it. The first part is about Jim's thoughts right after rejecting Pam's attempt to give him a gift, the second part is his 'explanation' of his attitude (and I quoted his words) the third part would be like his unseen, inner reaction to that explanation and the last part is about the conversation he has with Michael and the deeper meaning of his words. It's all kinda messy, I know. I'm sorry about that too.

* * *

_Too much time spent trying to crawl into a hole;  
then trying to crawl out of that hole._

_

* * *

_

This is so hard. I can't keep doing this. I'm hurting her. I hate this. Why couldn't I just play along with her? What am I doing? The look on her face was just… as if I'd slapped her or something… I can't even think about it, Oh God, what did I do? What should I do? I can't come back now. That'd be pathetic and she would probably just get angry at me or something. She'd think I'm jerking her around. But I'm not, damn it, why is it all so hard?

* * *

_"I feel like there's a chance for me to start over, and… if I fall back into the same kinda things I used to do, then… what am I doing?"_

* * *

Well, yeah, there is a chance for me to start over.

It's just… I don't give a damn about it. I don't want to start over; I want to go back in time. I'd rather be living like a year ago, when she didn't know about my feelings for her, when every single moment was painful and blissful at the same time. Because I got to be with her, but she was someone else's. But at least we could hang out, and talk, and I had her for myself from nine to five, as long as that jerk she called her fiancé didn't show up to see her and ruined my day. Back in those times we could at least be friends.

Now I can't even have that. It's my entire fault. I should have never gone away. Now I'm angry, and tired, and full of regrets. I can't even try to be friends with her now because if I start being nice to her again, then Karen will freak out about that, she'll get jealous and my life will become Hell. Well, it is Hell already. But it'll be worse.

What do I do, God? How do I fix this? There has to be a way. And I have to find it soon.

* * *

_They were still hungry, at the end.  
They were still hungry at the end._

_

* * *

_

_"You just had a rebound. "_

_"A rebound?"_

_"Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun way of distraction. But… when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like. The one that broke your heart."_

* * *

Sometimes I think I'm such a hypocrite.

I mean, Michael's had a rebound tonight, but who am I to say anything? My life right now is a rebound.

And the girl that broke my heart – well, let's just say I'm not over her at all.

Let's just say I miss her terribly, but I can't do anything about it because I'm in a _committed relationship_ or something. And the girl I'm dating, she's pretty jealous already.

This girl that broke my heart – I can't even be friends with her anymore.

And that sucks, because I still love her, no matter how much I lie to myself over and over again.


	22. Questions

**Title: **Questions.

**Continuity:** 'A Benihana Christmas.' (Season Three's 10th episode.)

**Song: -**

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Third person narrative. You'll notice that whoever it is who describes the scene doesn't mention Jim or Pam by their names, but just as 'the man' or 'the girl', etc. I just hope that you, dear readers, don't hate this sort of 'abstract perspective' and that you don't find it confusing. I just wanted to try something a little different, so I basically described the scene briefly throwing lots of Jim and Pam's thoughts in the middle every now and then. Although it starts as a Jim and Pam - centric, it becomes strongly Pam-centric towards the end. Um, that's all. Read and enjoy, or try to.

* * *

"Bye Pam." The man walked right past her on his way out.

"Night." She felt a sting of pain in the place where her heart used to be – she didn't know if it was still there. She didn't even know if she _wanted _it to be there. What was the use on having a heart if all it was supposed to feel was pain? Maybe her heart had left and she hadn't noticed it.

_I'm like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz,_ she figured. _Except I don't want to have a heart._

"Oh, you know what?" The man turned around, though.

_No, I don't,_ she mentally answered. _I know nothing about you know, because we can't hang out together anymore because you've changed because you have a girlfriend because you went to Stanford because Casino Night happened because…_

"… Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier, and it seems the CIA is gonna need Dwight to go to their Headquarters in Langley for training. And they're making him socialize with the other agents."The man leaned against the reception desk and smiled, looking content with the scheme he had planned, and happy to be able to share it with the girl.

_Oh, pranking Dwight with Pam's help. That's nice. What is that, Jim? What are you doing?_

The man ignored his mind's sarcastic accusations and just smiled silently. The pretty girl sitting at the reception desk smiled back, even when her mind was putting her through similar punishment. They smiled at each other in silence for just a second. Then she started keying in the computer keyboard. "We should get him a bus ticket. To make his trip easier."

"Oh, no, of course. That'd be great."The man agreed, drumming his fingers against the desk and leaning in closer to see the computer screen, yet soon enough he felt the need to pull back. He was too close, closer than he had been to her in months, and they were alone, and her perfume was so sweetly intoxicating…

_I wonder if she has feelings for me. I don't think she does. I've been acting like a jerk lately, and I can see she's hurt. I'm a stupid idiot. Maybe I should just end this. My feelings haven't changed at all. Maybe I should just tell her and see what happens. Man, I want to kiss her. I wonder what she's thinking right now…_

"It costs 75 dollars."Her voice quickly brought him back to reality.

"Uhmmm."He paused, trying to recollect his thoughts. "Or maybe the CIA could send a helicopter."

The woman nodded. "It's a good plan." She muttered.

"Good."He said, nodding too."I thought I'd lost my prank-planning skills."

"Nope, it's in your blood."She confirmed, winking at him.

_Making me fall in love with you just by existing is in your blood as well, but I don't think I have to tell you that._

"Um, well, I better head out."He said, pointing towards the exit hallway.

"Oh, yeah, sure, go. I'll be out soon as well."She replied, smiling as confidently as she could.

He silently stared at her for a second before his gaze dropped to the floor. "Bye Pam."

"Bye Jim."The sound of her voice was quiet, soft, like a little mouse's, as she waved at him and watched him walk out of the office and head towards the elevator.

Once she was alone, she wiped away the one tear she hadn't been able to hold back, then sighed deeply, took her purse and grabbed her coat. She waited for ten minutes or so before walking out of the office, locking the door and getting into the elevator – the last thing she needed (and ironically, at the same time, the one thing she wanted the most) was bumping into him in the hallways, the elevator or the parking lot.

Because they were alone.

Because they had feelings for each other, feelings that they didn't dare to face.

Because something could happen, and as much as they both might want it, he had a girlfriend.

Because she didn't want to become the third wheel between Jim and Karen, if he in fact loved that woman as much as it looked like.

Because she loved him – that was clear – and she didn't think she could control herself if he was really close to her, if they were alone, if he said something, if he silently stared at her, if he looked at her lips, if he – No, she wouldn't be able to control herself, and she had to, because it was the right thing to do. _She_ had been the one to turn him down in the first place. It was _her_ fault if he had gone to Stanford, and therefore it was _her_ fault that he had met Karen. Something that wasn't hers, though, was the right to have an opinion about his love life. The right to be a part of his love life_. No,_ she said to herself. _You pushed him away, now suck it. I don't care if you need him. I don't care if you want him. I don't care how much it hurts not having him. He's not yours, and it's your fault, so suck it. This is real life, Pamela. He might have been nice to you for a while today, but it's not like he's gonna leave her something. What happened today is meaningless, so don't start getting your hopes up. What did you think it would happen, after all? Did you think he'd kiss you or something? Please. What did you expect?_

That question mercilessly haunted her throughout the whole night.

_What did I expect?_ She asked herself while she drove back home.

_What did I expect?_ She asked herself while she cooked dinner.

_What did I expect?_ She asked herself while she watched the ten o'clock news.

_What did I expect?_ She asked herself while she brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas.

_What did I expect?_ She asked herself as she got into the bed and tried to find a comfortable position.

And by the time she fell asleep, she still hadn't dared to answer.


	23. The Advice

**Title: **The Advice.

**Continuity: **'Back from Vacation.' (Season Three's 11th episode.)

**Song: -**

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Jim's POV. Slightly A/U. This chapter, and the following will be a little gloomy, or depressing (use the word you like the most, haha) because all the Jim – Pam interactions of this episode make me really sad. _The Advice_ narrates the scene when Jim tells Pam about his 'little fight' with Karen, and for some reason that I'll never understand, Pam decides to help him with this situation. I always feel puzzled whenever I watch this scene, I get this _What is she doing? _kind of feeling, and I think Jim does too, and we see that when he says '_Really?' _and looks at the camera, as if looking for some sort of answers. Um, okay, I'm rambling. But I hope you like this.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey." I couldn't help by following her with my eyes as she entered the room and poured herself some coffee. When she turned around to face me I panicked slightly and looked away.

"You OK?"

_Oh, you have no idea._

"Yeah." I stared at my coffee cup as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. My answer sounded so weary and weak, that I wasn't surprised of the fact that she didn't believe me.

"You sure?"She asked, raising her eyebrows slightly. I could feel the skepticism in the tone of her voice.

"Yeah. Yes." I replied, as reassuringly as I could, while I took a sip of my coffee in an attempt to act normal.

She looked down, as if realizing that I wouldn't talk to her and that all her efforts to make our relationship the same as it was before I left were completely vain. Then she looked up and our gazes met: the look on her face showed the way she felt inside – guilty, humiliated, stupid, tired, disappointed – and that, along with the awkward silence, made me feel like being stabbed in the heart. I spoke again. "Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen. "

"Oh."She paused, and then timidly offered."You… want to talk about it?"

"Really?" I frowned, unsure of whether or not I had heard right.

_She wants to help me with my problems with Karen? Oh, so that means she doesn't care about me. Great. Just great._

She only nodded, and sat next to me, ready to listen and give advice, the best smile she could utter given the circumstances plastered on her face.

And I, in fact, needed to vent, so I started telling her about it.

* * *

"So, I don't know, I just feel like we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much." I finished talking, and looked down at my coffee cup.

Pam nodded a few times. "Hmmm."She uttered, seeming pensive.

"Hmmm, what?" I looked at her for a second and I chuckled slightly before resuming staring at my coffee cup.

"How far away does she live now, like ten minutes?"

I considered it for a second and sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

"Honestly, I think you should go easy on her."

I quickly glanced at her once again, completely in awe.

_Seriously, Pam? Oh, so you really don't give a damn whether Karen lives ten minutes or two blocks away from me. It's good to know that, really._

"Hey, thanks a lot." I said, trying not to let the sarcasm flow in my voice.

"Oh, don't worry about it."Our gazes met, she smiled.

"I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... "

She paused for a second, and I chuckled.

"… which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan!" She exclaimed, excited.

"Yeah, how have we not talked about this already?" I shook my head in disbelief and she did the same. "I mean what happened there? Kidnapping?"

She leaned her head forward as she laughed. In the slightest bit of a second I forgot about my problems with Karen. Honestly, the world always seems to fade away a little when I'm with Pam. It didn't matter that our relationship had been damaged. It didn't matter that we had hurt each other. I guess it's complicated to change the way someone functions, and this is part of the way I function: when I'm with her, nothing else seems to be really important.

Even when I know there are things that require my attention – my job, my girlfriend, among others – I still can't stop my world from revolving around Pam.

Something that _really_ doesn't help much with the process of getting over her.


	24. Enemies

**Title: **Enemies.

**Continuity: **'Back from Vacation.' (Season Three's 11th episode.)

**Song: **'King of Pain', by The Police. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Pam's POV. Slightly A/U. The first part of the chapter is actually Pam – centric, because I used a third-person narrative; the second part of the chapter is basically about Pam's feelings right after her conversation with Karen and before she starts crying, and also I included the scene where she cries because it's so heartbreaking, and I just couldn't let it out. I hope I didn't ruin this, because it's one of my favorite moments of Season Three.

* * *

Karen came out of nowhere, and for a second Pam thought she was going to get slapped or something similar for getting in the middle of a fight between Jim and his –oh, did it hurt to say it – girlfriend. But Karen smiled kindly. "I think I owe you one."

"Sorry?"

"For talking sense into Halpert."She clarified. "The Day's Inn room 228 was starting to get really depressing."

"Oh, yeah, no." Pam felt somehow relieved. "Don't worry about it. I mean, he was being ridiculous."

"Yeah, but..." Karen paused and stared right into her eyes. "… thanks. Seriously."

"Sure." Pam grinned friendly and watched her walk away.

* * *

_I have stood here before, inside the pouring rain._

_With the world turning circles, running 'round my brain._

_I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign,_

_but it's my destiny to be the King of Pain._

* * *

For some reason I looked down at the floor, feeling slightly dazed.

At first I had no idea where was that feeling coming from.

Then suddenly, it hit me.

_Karen just thanked me. Karen is happy. Oh, no. Jim must have changed his mind. She's moving into that house two blocks away from his place. I was the one to tell him to go easy on her. I… helped Karen. Oh my God. I'm actually helping the enemy._

I tried to shake that thought off of me – _Karen isn't the enemy,_ (well, it clearly seems like it), s_he's not trying to hurt me _(but she does anyways, and man, is she good at it), _she has all the right to move closer to her boyfriend's house _(right there, see how much pain it causes you just to call him 'her boyfriend') – were some of the excuses that my brain clearly uttered to make me feel better. It didn't work, though. The feelings of self-betrayal still washed over me.

_Saboteur, saboteur, saboteur... How are you ever going to get him back like this? What is wrong with you? _

_I don't know, _I mentally answered myself. _I have no idea_. _I wish I knew._

I stumbled slightly as I hurried upstairs – all I wanted was to lock myself in the nearest bathroom and cry my eyes out, but by the time I reached the ground floor tears were already running freely across my cheeks, so I thought _What the Hell, it's not like someone cares about me anyways_ and sat down on the first chair that I found, where I started sobbing quietly, covering my face with my hands.

Soon enough someone came along and stood next to me. I didn't look up at first, but they started speaking and I recognized the voice.

"Who did this to you?" Dwight asked, a serious frown on his face."Where is he?"

_Why do you want to know who did this to me, Dwight? Are you planning on beating someone up? I'm probably the one you should punch, you know? I'm the one who's made me cry. It's all my fault. I can ruin my life all by myself, no one else's help is needed. That is a fact. _

"What? No, it's not... it's nothing."I cut him off as I pointlessly wiped some more tears of off my face.

"It's hot in here."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

He handed me a tissue and I took it. As I wiped some more of my tears and mentally told myself to stop crying, for God's sake, he silently sat next to me. "Thanks. You don't need to stay here." I uttered. I figured he'd feel uncomfortable and frankly, so did I. There was _really_ no need for him to stay.

"I know." He said softly, putting an arm around me.

I looked away as I continued to sob.

"So you're PMS-ing pretty bad, huh?"

With this I looked up at him in frustration and disbelief – he could _not_ have just said that.

Yet I couldn't help by mentally answering him: _Yeah, I wish it were that simple._


	25. Omissions

**Title: **Omissions.

**Continuity: **'Travelling Salesmen.' (Season Three's 12th episode.)

**Song: **'A life less ordinary', by Motion City Soundtrack. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Jim's POV. Slightly A/U. This was a hard scene to write about. For some reason it was really difficult for me to put Jim's feelings into words. I don't know. I just hope I didn't ruin the whole thing. What can I say? Sometimes my muse is a real bitch.

* * *

_I like to tell you that I'm ready for whatever's coming, but to be honest there's a part of me that loses control._

_

* * *

_

"So, let me ask you a question."Karen finally spoke. She had been unusually quiet throughout the whole time we'd been at the café, and I feared the worst: she wanted to talk about our feelings for each other. We had been doing that a lot lately and frankly, I wasn't pleased.

"Ok."I said, preparing myself for what was to come.

"Did you ever have a thing for Pam?"She asked, her eyes fixed on mine. It felt as if she could see right through me, and watch my heart beating twice as fast at the mention of my ex-best friend's name.

_Whoa. I didn't see that coming._

"Pam?" I repeated, pretending disbelief. "Did I ever have a 'thing' for her?"

_Nope, I didn't have a crush on her – it was more of an undying, desperate love._

"No. Why, did she say something?"I asked, casually, while I drank some of my coffee.

The look on her face was dead-serious. She clearly didn't believe me. "I moved here from Connecticut."She stated dryly, and I knew exactly what she meant.

She was committed to our relationship and it seemed like I wasn't really cooperating. I looked down in embarrassment for just a second. "Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left… "

_Come on. I know better than this._

"And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way…"

_The worst moment of my life._

"So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left."

_Yeah, I transferred to Stamford, and that's how I met you and for some reason I thought you'd be a good way to start over, to move on. Man, was I wrong._

Trying my best to look and sound trustable, honest, I stared into her eyes. "I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay?"

She cracked a small smile."Okay."

* * *

I should really feel worse about this.

I should have told her about my 'history' with Pam way earlier. Now she's going to be watching me all the time for any signs of my 'old' feelings for Pam coming back.

And Karen is smart. She is going to notice those feelings because really, let's face it: they were never gone in the first place. They have always been there.

Then she's going to ask for explanations, she'll want to talk, to figure things out so we can move past this 'rocky path' in our relationship. Truth is I can't get past my feelings for Pam – basically the source of all our problems.

I don't even know if I didn't tell Karen about that 'history' to protect her (because I knew it would bother her and make her feel jealous and insecure) or myself (because I didn't want to think about it), but now she knows I've been keeping secrets from her all this time, pretending everything was fine when actually things weren't fine – and I don't think she likes it.

Well, guess what? I don't like it either, yet maybe neither of us could handle the truth back then, so we build a relationship based upon lies and secrets.

No wonder things are a mess right now.


	26. Love should

**Title: **Love should.

**Continuity: **'The Return.' (Season Three's 13th episode.)

**Song: **'Funny how love is', by Queen. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Karen's POV. Slightly A/U. Finally, Karen has a saying in this multi-shot. It was about time, haha. I just didn't feel like writing this chapter from Jim's point of view, because I thought that would be like ignoring Karen's feelings and just forgetting completely about her. As much as I might want her out of the way of Jim and Pam's way, she deserved a space here.

* * *

"Hey."He greeted her softly.

She quickly sat next to him and took a deep breath. The time had come to end with some of the lies. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

He paused for a moment that seemed to last an eternity and sighed. "Yes."

She stood up from her seat and walked away before he could add anything else and break her heart a little more.

* * *

_Funny how love can break your heart so suddenly.  
Funny how love came tumbling down with Adam and Eve._

_

* * *

_

Funny how love is.

Love should make a person feel safe, confident, happy.

Love should give people reasons to get up in the mornings.

Love should do people good.

Love should be the realization of people's dreams.

Love should give people hope.

Love should make people feel empowered, "bright and shiny."

Love should give people wings.

Love should heal people's wounds.

But, funny how love is, it does exactly the opposite.

Love makes you feel insecure.

Love destroys your confidence.

Love makes you unhappy.

Love ends with the reasons to get up in the mornings.

Love does people wrong.

Love is the reason why many people's dreams get shattered.

Love makes you feel hopeless.

Love makes people feel powerless, dark, and twisted.

Love can be like a huge anchor, forcing you to sink into an ocean of depression.

Love hurts people, leaving them broken.

Or at least there's one kind of love that causes all of that. The most feared of all: unrequited love. It is well-known that unrequited love is one of the worst feelings someone can experience: loving someone to death, madly, and knowing that he/she doesn't, and probably will never love you back.

Unrequited love makes you desperate and complicates everything. And by everything, I mean _absolutely_ everything.

With unrequited love, people feel like dying because they can't get the much needed affection from the person they're in love with.

Because of unrequited love, people get obsessed with the object of their desire and they wonder, over and over and over again, what have they done wrong, what can they do to make that person love them, what is it that everybody else has and they don't, and other toxic, stressing thoughts like that.

People who are victims of unrequited love find it hard just to live, because it is so painful without the person they love. In fact, unrequited love victims don't live: they barely exist.

Unrequited love takes all possible way of control away from people's hands, so quite often Hell just breaks loose.

Unrequited love means pain, tears, bitterness and emotional instability.

All of that seems so familiar to me.

I hate to admit it, but it's true: I am trapped in a relationship that's based in unrequited love.

How did I get myself into this? I do not know by now.

But I am trapped in a relationship that's based in unrequited love.

I am in love with a man who doesn't love me back.

I am in love with a man who's _never_ going to love me back, not the way he loves _her._

It is sick, and lame, and messy, and awfully painful.

I am in love with someone who settles for me.

That's the truth.

And yet no matter how many times I repeat to myself that I have to end this, I can't manage to do it.

The thing is, unrequited love doesn't follow the '_What easy comes, easy goes'_ rule. You can fall in the blink of an eye, and it can take you years to get over someone.

Even if that someone doesn't love you back.

_Especially _if that someone doesn't love you back.

And that's my situation.

Funny how love is.

Funny how it's breaking me to pieces when it should be making me happy.


	27. War

**Title: **War.

**Continuity: **'Ben Franklin.' (Season Three's 14th episode.)

**Song: **Heartbreak Warfare, by John Mayer. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Pam's POV. Slightly A/U. Drabble. I'm actually kind of happy about this – I'm not saying it is the best thing ever, but at least it's not that bad. I want to apologize about its lack of length, and about the fact that it might be slightly confusing – the tiny bits in italics would be Pam's thoughts, and the rest of the chapter, the description of the scene. I chose _Heartbreak Warfare _because it's a really good song and its lyrics fit quite well with the situation – I wonder if John Mayer watches The Office, haha. Just kidding. Okay, I'll stop - just read and review if you want to.

* * *

_Drop his name, push it in and twist the knife again.  
Watch my face, as I pretend to feel no pain, pain, pain…_

_Clouds of sulfur in the air; bombs are falling everywhere:  
it's heartbreak warfare._

_Once you want it to begin, no one really ever wins  
in heartbreak warfare…_

_

* * *

I can do this. It can't be that hard. If he can move on and not care about my feelings, I should at least try. At least I already know what I have to do: he's taught me how. I have to be cold, distant, sharp, merciless… _

Pam enters the room, spots Jim, quickly orders herself not to look at him, walks over to the vending machine – the one he's not leaning on, that is – and starts putting coins into it before grabbing a soda, while he subtly moves his body away from hers, afraid that the proximity might help uncovering the sparks in the air between them.

She shakes her head no at Kelly's ridiculous – yet kind of helpful – accusation and prepares herself.

_Don't worry, Jim, it'll only hurt a second, I promise._

So she pauses for a second, takes a deep breath and then…

_Now._

… she attacks.

"_God, I need a boyfriend. You know Ryan, I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. __Whenever."_

As the three sentences fall of her delicate lips – the lips he'd dreamed of more than once – he flinches visibly, feeling as uncomfortable as ever, and attempts to hide the fear and the shock –failing miserably at it.

_Cold, distant, sharp, merciless. It wasn't that hard._

Knowing that she should be somehow satisfied with her performance, but being unable to feel that way pisses her off, so she walks away without looking back, convinced that if she does, if her eyes and his meet and she sees the tiniest bit of pain written in those green eyes of his, she'll lose control – something she tries to avoid as she walks back to her desk and sits down.

_Well, that didn't help at all,_ she tiredly concludes after examining her actions a thousand times. _What a surprise!_


	28. Words that kill

**Title: **Words that kill.

**Continuity: **'Ben Franklin.' (Season Three's 14th episode.)

**Song: **No you girls, by Franz Ferdinand. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Jim's POV. Slightly A/U. Drabble. I'm not exactly pleased about my job writing this chapter: it certainly could have been better, and longer. I'm sorry about that. About the song, I found it by accident and I discovered that it fitted with the situation, so I decided to use it. (And I'm glad I did, because it was inspiring as well.) Also, I used inner-battles once again – I just love how complex and deep are Jim and Pam, and it is a shame that the show doesn't let us know more about their actual feelings – those feelings are what I'm trying to write about.

* * *

_No you girls never know,_

_oh no you girls'll never know._

_No you girls never know,_

_how you make a boy feel…_

_

* * *

_

"_God, I need a boyfriend. You know Ryan, I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever."_

Twenty-three words.

He counted them.

Last time she hadn't needed so many words to hurt him.

Only two: _I can't_.

Those had been enough to tear him apart.

This time she needed more – three sentences, even – but the words certainly did the job. They felt like sharp needles, piercing through his heart, cutting him to the core. One second he was okay –or as _okay_ as he could be anyways – and the next he was broken, wondering why he didn't actually bleed, when it hurt as if he'd been physically wounded.

_I should've seen this coming,_ he thought in frustration. _Didn't I learn anything from Casino Night? All she needs is a handful of words and that's it, I'm dead. How could I ever forget that? _

As he watched her walking out of the room, he tried to remain calm – no one was supposed to know she could virtually reduce him to ashes so easily, especially Karen – and to forget about what she had said. Needless to say it was completely pointless: he couldn't stop replaying her words in his mind, the way her back was turned on him when she said she needed a boyfriend, the way she didn't even once look at him directly and the anger he felt towards Ryan at the thought of one of his friends going out with Pam.

_I shouldn't feel this bad,_ he reminded himself, _because a) she has a right to date anyone she wants, b) she didn't mean to hurt me in any way and c) I have a girlfriend I should care about instead._

The reasons he came up with to get over that awful moment didn't do much; – even considering that at least they helped covering up his real feelings from everybody else - they ended up making everything worse, because deep down inside he started feeling unsure about whether she had or hadn't meant to hurt him. He started changing his mind all the time throughout the day, unable to simply forget about it.

_She hates me. She's trying to make me miserable. And she's good at it._

_No, she's not. She's a good person and she'd never do that. She's just trying to move on, and she has a right to it –_

_Yeah, a right to 'move on' and rub it on my face just so I can see it and die right there in front of her. What kind of friend does that? How can she not know the way it makes me feel?_

_I don't think she was doing that on purpose. She can't know how I feel if I don't talk to her anymore. _

At the end of the day he felt so confused and exhausted of thinking things over, that even when his head hit the pillow that night he was restless. Every time he closed his eyelids, he'd start re-living the events of that day, and he'd hear her words again, and God, the pain would reemerge as if it had never gone away at all.

_And I highly doubt it is ever going to disappear,_ he sadly concluded before he finally drifted off to sleep.


	29. Punishment

**Title: **Punishment.

**Continuity: **'Phyllis' Wedding.' (Season Three's 15th episode.)

**Song: **-

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Pam's POV. Slightly A/U. Let's just pretend this chapter is not as awful as it is, shall we? I'm completely disappointed about myself right now. I did not do a good job writing about Pam's feelings during this episode. The next chapter will be about the wedding too, but I promise it'll be much better. I'll work harder. Also, I'm sorry about the delay.

* * *

I'm getting a déjà vu. Phyllis just had to steal all of the ideas from my wedding. She couldn't think of anything original.

Okay, I'm overreacting. Normally I wouldn't mind – I really don't care that much about these things and besides, my wedding was called off. But _this _is a reminder of the fact that everything that I had planned got completely out of control and everything that I had hoped for disappeared before I had the chance to lay my hands on it.

I remember being so happy when Roy finally set a date for our wedding after all those years of an apparently never-ending engagement. I mean, I thought I loved him. And I guess I did, back in a time. But then that love kind of… faded. We had met such a long time ago, we had both changed a lot – I think there might have been signs of change, but I mostly ignored them, until one day I realized that I didn't get him anymore. I realized that I was sharing my life with someone who was nearly a stranger to me – because he certainly wasn't the man I had once fell in love with.

Yet as the optimistic girl I am, when I started planning the wedding I was excited and couldn't wait for June to arrive. I think it was because I thought things would change, that Roy would be nicer to me, that he would go back to being the man he was when we first met. But instead he remained the same, and I was, once again, disappointed.

I remember thinking _Okay, so this is it. This is what my life will be like. Dull, and grey. Even if we get married he'll still be the same, and I'll work as a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin forever. _And just when I was trying to come to terms with those facts, I witnessed one of life's typical yet unexpected twists, something I had secretly, guiltily dreamed of many times but never considered possible: Jim, my best friend, confessing that he loved me.

Somehow I simply knew he wasn't lying – maybe the tears that welled up in his eyes when I said _I can't_ gave me a hint.

He transferred to Stamford while I panicked and called off my wedding, unable to face the fact that I had to marry a man I didn't love, and I waited for him to come back, so we could work things out. He did come back, after some (terribly painful) time, bringing his girlfriend along, not realizing (or not giving a damn) about how that fact shattered my heart to pieces.

It's been months since then, and here I am at the reception of a wedding that should have been mine, watching everybody but me having a good time, and being incapable of shaking the _I should be happy right now _kind of feeling off of me.

This was supposed to be my wedding, the happiest day of my life, something I'd remember for as long as I lived. But instead, I'm sitting here listening to a The Police cover band while my (ex?) best friend and his girlfriend dance along to the music, and thinking that I must have done something really awful to be punished this way.

Maybe I did.

But I don't think I deserve this.


	30. Jealousy

**Title: **Jealousy.

**Continuity: **'Phyllis' Wedding.' (Season Three's 15th episode.)

**Song: **'Mr. Brightside', by The Killers.

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Hey. I'm using third-person narrative again in this chapter – I just hope it's not confusing, since we have a couple of women and a couple of men involved in the important scenes of this episode. I like the way _Phyllis' Wedding_ was shot. It's one of my Season Three favorites. I hope you enjoy this.

* * *

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea…_

_

* * *

_

He knows he should really, really be looking at his girlfriend's face as they slowly sway to the music that the band is playing, but he can't get his eyes off his best friend, who sits at an empty table right across the dance floor, looking sad and lonely.

She knows that watching him dance with his girlfriend is not exactly going to make her feel better, but she just can't help it, so she observes him (them) closely as they twirl together, his arms firmly placed around her waist, framing her tiny figure.

_The girl couldn't be any freaking luckier. _Pam wishes she would be the one he's holding in his arms, and sighs.

He knows he shouldn't care, but he can't not notice how beautiful she looks tonight. He's not paying attention to the girl he's holding inside his arms, because his mind's busy wondering what's going on with his best friend.

She finally grows tired of watching (wanting, loving) a man she can't have having a great time with his date, leaves her spot by the table and walks out of the room, looking for some place where she can cry quietly without being seen, so she won't lose the little dignity she's got left.

His eyes follow her as she exits the room. _Is it my fault that she's leaving?_ The last thing he wants to do is hurting her, but he can't actually go and try to make her feel better, so he pretends that nothing happened and tries to focus on his girlfriend, who's on stage singing along with the band. He smiles.

She runs into Roy on her way out and he joins her, after which he asks her if she'll dance with him to their song, and she feels so upset and unhappy that she agrees.

He watches her walk away hand in hand with her ex-fiancé and it breaks his heart a little - a lot – knowing that she might come back to that guy.

She allows Roy to put his arms around her, leans her head on his chest and closes her eyes, dreaming that she is inside someone else's – her best friend's – embrace, in a perfect world where she did get her happy ending. She dreams that she leads the life she wants.

He tries to have fun with Karen and act as if he's happy - which is what he is supposed to do - but since he fails, he asks her to dance once again, so he can close his eyes for a second and wish for it all to be a dream, for the girl he's dancing with to be his best friend. He wishes the woman he loves could be happy, with or without him. Preferably with him.

She feels a few tears streaming down her cheeks, leaving wet spots in Roy's shirt, and she lets out only one quiet sob. He leans back a little and studies her face.

"Are you okay? Why are you crying?"He asks, more out of curiosity than concern.

"Oh don't worry. It's just… nostalgia."She lies through her teeth. "Just nostalgia."She mumbles, trying to sound reassuring as she blinks back a few more tears and wonders if the rest of her life is going to be like this – one lie after another.

She really wishes it isn't.


	31. Whirlwind

**Title: **Whirlwind.

**Continuity:** 'Cocktails.' (Season Three's 17th episode.)

**Song: **-

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Hey! I'm sorry about the delay. I know I say this repeatedly but school gives me one or two weeks of free time, and then it starts bombarding me with tests again, and I have to use my time to study (which I hate.) Anyways, I'm using third-person narrative again in this chapter. I never really thought I would write a Roy-centric for this multi-shot story, but then I considered this episode, and Roy certainly owns the last moments of it (the ones that I wanted to write about) so it felt like the only way around. As always, I hope you enjoy this.

* * *

"_What?"  
_

"_I want us to make it. I want a fresh start."  
_

" _That's awesome. That's what I want. "_

_"Oh ok, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us. "_

_"I didn't do anything. Ask anyone, I totally could have and I didn't at all. "_

_" Just listen. Remember that casino night about a month before we were supposed to get married? I kissed Jim."_

"_What?"_

_"He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed."_

_"Jim came on to you?"_

_"Just listen."_

_"No, I am listening! That's the problem - I am listening!"_

_"Don't yell!"_

_"Don't yell?"_

_"This is over."_

_"Yeah, you're right. This is so over. You kidding me, Pam! Come on! God!"_

* * *

It was funny how he and his brother had managed to tear the entire place down in a matter of minutes. As the anger swallowed him like a whirlwind, he had thrown bottles, kicked chairs and turned tables over. Next thing he knew Kenny was pushing him out of _Poor Richard's_ and telling him to calm down so he could try and fix part of the mess they'd made.

They had destroyed the place so quickly and easily… just like she had destroyed his confidence and his hope using just a few words. It was stupid, really. Roy Anderson was more of a do-er than a thinker, and he usually never fell into this kind of reflections. But as he sat on the floor outside the bar, he couldn't help but thinking about the events of that night over and over again and regretting trying to start over with Pam in the first place.

W_hat was I thinking?_

It had been a very bad decision. He had never really understood what had he done to make her call their wedding off, but throughout all those months they'd been apart he'd tried to change, to be a better guy, hoping that she would notice it and give him a second chance, so they could start over. But it had all been in vain. She had just toyed with his feelings, using him to make someone jealous.

Someone who had hurt her.

Someone she had real feelings for.

Roy knew exactly who it was.

_Halpert._

He couldn't believe how he'd been so blind. His fiancée had started ignoring him the very day she'd met the guy. Roy was sure now that she had called the wedding off for her best friend. She had proved him right by waiting so long to tell him about the kiss.

Just thinking about it made him sick.

Jim Halpert, kissing _his_ Pammy.

_His _Pammy kissing Jim Halpert.

Those thoughts would never stop haunting him now.

He heard footsteps near him and looked up to find his brother standing next to him.

"Are they going to call the cops?"

Kenny shook his head.** "**No, I paid them off. "

"Jet ski money?"

"All of it."

Roy closed his eyes only for a second, trying to sooth himself, but it only helped making the mental pictures inside his mind clearer.

Pam should have never told him about the kiss.

She didn't know what she was getting her 'friend' into.

_I kissed Jim._

_He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed._

The whirlwind of anger swallowed him whole once again.

"I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert."


	32. Examination of a bad decision

**Title: **Examination of a bad decision.

**Continuity:** 'The Negotiation.' (Season Three's 18th episode.)

**Song: **-

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Hey. Writing this was hard. My muse seems to have gone on vacations – where could she go, I don't know- so she sends me inspiration on postcards. And there's not really much space to write in on a postcard. (That would explain my lack of ideas.) Okay, I'm not crazy, just tired. School is the worst thing ever. As always, I hope this isn't confusing/disappointing/boring and that you enjoy reading it.

* * *

"_Sorry I almost got you killed. "The woman seemed to shrink, as if she wanted to disappear. To stop existing right there and then, for feeling the coldness he oozed was killing her.  
_

"_Yeah, that was nuts."  
_

"_He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right?"_

"_No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection."His voice was steady, slow, and almost too calm to sound true.  
_

"_Not anymore. It's, um... It's completely over now."_

"_We'll see." He half-chuckled to cover up the fear. "I'm sure you guys will... find you way back to one another someday."Never in his life had he wanted more badly to be wrong.  
_

"_Jim…"She softly called after him, trying to make him see the way he was hurting her. "I am really... sorry." _

_"Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it."He walked away.  
_

_

* * *

_

Why?

Why did I ever think Roy deserved a second chance?

(Maybe I thought one more bad decision wouldn't make a big difference.)

Why did I have to tell him the truth?

(_"Watch out world, Old Pammy's getting what she wants."_)

Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?

Why did Roy have to get so pissed about the kiss?

(The kiss was nothing compared to the feelings that bottled up inside of me for such a long time.)

Why did he have to attack Jim?

(He lost it.)

Why didn't I see it coming?

Why wasn't I the one to save him, instead of Dwight?

(Because I was terrified- no, paralyzed. That's why. But thank God Dwight was there.)

Why does he have to be so mean to me?

(He probably is just pissed that he almost got his ass kicked by a lunatic over a woman he never really had.)

Why does he act like I did this on purpose?

(… When in fact the last thing I want to do is hurting him.)

Why doesn't he see I was just trying to be honest for the first time in years?

Why does he act like every single thing that goes wrong is my fault?

(After all, it takes two to tango. Or three, in our case. Or four.)

Why am I even apologizing?

(Perhaps I think begging and humiliating myself is going to help making things better.)

Why does this hurt so much?

(It just _does._)

Why does everything I do just come undone?


	33. Flames

**Title: **Flames.

**Continuity:** 'Beach Games.' (Season Three's 22nd episode.)

**Song: **'Losing my religion', by REM. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Hey. I'm sorry about the delay on this chapter. I'll try to post the following two – which, by the way, will be the last chapters of this series – sometime this week. I don't even need to say this episode is great, and writing about it was so challenging. I hope this isn't disappointing.

* * *

Pam Beesly stood right in front of the burning coal path, apart from the small circle in which her coworkers had gathered. Her gaze was fixed on the reddish glow as her thoughts raced.

* * *

She had never actually been courageous. The words "shy", "mellow", "weak", "passive", even "invisible" had come to describe her. And she hated that. But her actions hadn't exactly helped making people think otherwise about her. She always sat around watching everybody else get what they wanted. She never fought for what she wanted. She always settled for less than she deserved. She didn't even understand why she acted that way, but she did.

And she was tired of it.

She wanted to change.

The coal walk was thrilling, exciting, and dangerous.

It seemed a good way to start.

* * *

She stepped forward, and then moved closer until she felt the heat on the tip of her toes.

She took one last deep breath and half walked, half ran her way through the coal path. Once she made it to the other side and her feet landed on the safe, cool surface of the sand, she started jumping around in excitement.

_I did the coal walk! Of all people, I was the only one to make it._

She felt empowered, brave, strong, confident, alive.

"_You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always?"_

"_Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!"_

"_You are?"_

"_Yeah."_

_You were right, _she thought as her gaze moved to the people reunited around in a circle._ I should take a chance on something. In fact, I am going to do that._

_Right now._

_

* * *

_

"_Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. __Yeah. It's a good day."_

_

* * *

_

As the cold water refreshed her sore feet, the feelings of power, bravery and confidence seemed to fade away, replaced by the certainty of having done the right thing. She wondered which would be the consequences of her outburst. She wasn't sure, but she couldn't deny that it had felt good finally getting rid of all the lies, standing up and making people listen to what she had to say. It was a good change. A big first step towards honesty.

She'd gladly deal with the rest later.

* * *

_Oh, no I said too much._

_I haven't said enough._


	34. Future

**Title: **Future.

**Continuity:** 'The Job.' (Season Three's 23rd episode.)

**Song:** 'Walking after you', by Foo Fighters. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Hey. This is a little too short, I know, and maybe vague and confusing. I'm sorry. I did my best, however, so I hope you enjoy this. The scene I describe is just one of the best of the entire show, so I'm worried about my work with this chapter. Okay, I'm done rambling.

* * *

_I cannot be without you,_

_matter of fact._

_I'm on your back._

_

* * *

_

"I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan."

"I should leave." Jim pretended to get up from his chair and David laughed.

"Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy."

"Thanks."

**"**Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet-"

"I'm sorry, wait, so is the question _'How'd I get to be so awesome?'_ Because, I don't have an answer for you."

"Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers?"

"Yes." Jim hurried to take the folders out of his messenger bag.

**"**And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out..."

"Oh, no, absolutely. "

"...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here; he's probably the only person you're not gonna like, Kendall. Ugh. So, first up... "

David was apologizing, but Jim wasn't listening, because something had distracted him. His gaze was fixed on the blue note that had fallen from the folders and onto his lap. The note had a gold medal yogurt lid attached, and when he read the words written on the paper it felt as if his world had stopped.

_Jim, don't forget us when you're famous! Pam._

He was momentarily brought back to reality by David's question. "How do you think you function here in New York?"

"What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just this energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. So that's a... bonus." He answered, making the CFO chuckle once again. His gaze, however, went briefly back to the note.

"You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. What have you liked most about that place?"

"The friendships." Jim replied without a hint of hesitation.

David nodded, visibly content. "Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

He couldn't help staring off into space as he blocked everything out and David's question echoed through his mind. For a second he got lost because of the many images and words that came suddenly rushing back.

"_I was just, um, I'm in love with you."_

"_I can't."_

"_I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. __And uh..."_

"_Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want."_

"_Jim... I am really... sorry."_

"_Oh yeah, don't worry about it."_

"_Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. __And I miss you… "_

"_And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back."_

"_Well, I wish you would."_

He looked down at the note that rested on his lap.

_Where do you see yourself in ten years?_

He didn't see himself in New York City.

He didn't see himself taking Jan's job.

He didn't see himself dating Karen anymore.

The only thing that came to his mind when he tried to picture himself in ten years was Pam Beesly.

It was all crystal-clear now.

The only way to actually _come back_ was coming back_ for her._


	35. Return

**Title:** Return.

**Continuity:** 'The Job.' (Season Three's 23rd episode.)

**Song:** 'Magnificent', by U2. (Fragment.)

**Feedback:** Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

**Warning/Comments:** Slightly A/U. Drabble. Pam-centric. Hey. Last chapter everybody! Again, this is too short. In my defense, my muse gets really distracted lately, and also, it was a short scene. And what a perfect scene, surprising and emotional! I loved writing about it. I hope you like this. Thanks to all the people who read and reviewed.

* * *

_Only love, only love can leave such a mark._

_But only love, only love can heal such a scar._

_

* * *

_

"I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... "

_Yeah, but no one loves him more than I do._

"… and, if he never comes back again... that's okay."

_Not really._

"We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me…"

_Stupid moves, right?_

"… but you know what? It's okay. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally-"

He suddenly walked in, and her name instantly dropped from his lips. "Pam."He apologized to the camera crew for interrupting, and looked at her."Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"

For the first time in months they were purposely staring into each other eyes.

She was a little confused, but she answered right way. "Yes."

"All right. Then... it's a date."He flashed her a small yet reassuring smile and exited the room.

Her gaze followed him for a moment. Tears started welling up in her eyes.

_Finally_, she thought as relief and happiness washed over her.

_Thank God_ came next.

Then _Holy crap, I'm dating Jim tonight._

It felt as if the Earth had shifted beneath her feet, or as if her life had been turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

She bit her lip, shocked, and suddenly remembered she was being interviewed.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?"


End file.
